


The Blacklist

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blow Jobs, Feels, Hospital, Lemon, M/M, NSFW, Notebook, Nurse!Eren, Rimming, Roadtrip, Sad, Sexual Tension, Smut, armin is punk, eren is a bab, levi is a bitch, sick!Levi, was originally on wattpad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 07:15:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8153555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Levi is confined to his prison cell of a hospital room awaiting his escape, his wings clipped and useless. Could his smile filled, bright eyed, nurse fix his wings and be the key to his freedom?The charming brunette has a plan which will have Levi clutching at his small black notebook. Within the notebook,along with drawings, poems and thoughts; there is a list. Note: I do not own the characters of SNK/AOT I'm just a trash collector :)





	1. Chapter 1

Life. A biological process... A phase in which we experience what it is to 'live' and be 'happy'.

It's days like this, rainy and quiet as I lay in my hospital bed, that make me wonder if it's really worth it. 

A drawling song played through the buds in my ears, lyrics of bodies together and pleasure. Taking my black hardcover journal, I took down a note.   
Love: in all sense of the word. Both physical and emotional.   
I closed the book and set it down on the small metal shelf beside me, running my fingers along the cover. It was the only thing that kept me sane in this morbid place. 

The walls of my small room the same pale green as they had been for the last month that I'd been there and presumably the last twenty years before that too. The sheets on the bed were scratchy where my skin rubbed against them, not the most comfortable thing in the world but at least they were clean. I closed my eyes with a sigh and thanked god for my music, my saviour. The constant shuffling of nurses shoes and the beeping of room assistance were like my parents had been in France. Ever present and depressing. 

"pillow talk?"  
The voice beside me was barely audible. With a sigh I took the small buds out of my ears and I opened my eyes reluctantly to see my nurse."I didn't know you liked Zayn." the brunette chirped in his normal colourful tone.

I shrugged and shifted to a sitting position, ready to force down some food before taking my medication. "He's alright." I responded meekly. Eren grinned to himself while he brought a chair around to sit beside my bed. 

I had been admitted here a month ago and a month spent in France's best hospital before that. It was less expensive to fly me here and allow me to stay rather than let me stay home with all the equipment and nurses. My parents didn't care that I was alone in another fucking country. Sure, they had given me money. But when I was confined to this room because I had no where else to go what good was a mountain of cash going to do me?

I was only meant to go in for a check up. Then suddenly I was being flown into trost to be stored like a bug in a jar until my lungs eventually gave out. I'd be out soon enough though.

"What have you done today?" Eren asked, seeing that I was lost in thought and attempting to bring me back to reality. 

He was assigned to me the day I got there and he had sat and talked to me almost everyday since then. He was the only person who actually looked at me as a person instead of just a patient. 

"Read a little, drew some rain and..." I held up the earphones that were still attached to my phone. "this."  
"What's your book about?" He questioned, handing me a container that held salad, chicken, crackers and a cup of fruit yoghurt.   
"Ah...I don't know." I admitted, taking a small bite of my bland, soggy food and trying not to grimace.  
Eren chuckled, his perfect smile blazing while his big eyes narrowed in amusement "How can you not know?" He asked, taking a bite of his sandwich and chewing happily.   
"Well, I kind of just scribbled out words and made my own story using the ones left." I admitted flatly. "I didn't actually read it."  
"Oh, like blackout poetry?" He asked, blue-green eyes watching me curiously.   
I frowned "I don't know what that is." I told him. Eren finished his mouthful of food before speaking.   
"Can I see your book?" He asked.   
I nodded and reached beside me to push my notebook aside, grasp the reading book and hand it over to him.

Eren opened it and examined the contents as a small smile began to form on his lips.  
"Yeah, this is like black out poetry. You make poetry from words already there." Eren explained cheerfully. "These are really good."

He read some of my work as I ate, bent over in his chair. I didn't mind when Eren looked at the things I did, he was never judgemental.   
"This one's my favourite..." he read aloud from my book. His voice was smooth and I couldn't help but get distracted by the way his lips caressed every word, the syllables sliding of his tongue gracefully. "some people drown while trying to help others breathe.' I like it Because it is so true. A lot of people don't realise how much has been sacrificed so they can sit in comfort." He looked up from the book and met my eyes with a sad smile. 

I thought of my parents, sitting there on their asses, eating pasta and drinking wine while thanking god that I was allowed to stay at the hospital so they didn't have to lift a finger. I could have said no to staying here and made them take care of me, but I didn't. I couldn't take anymore from them, they'd given me a lot over the years. Well...sort of.

My stomach turned and I gagged, putting a hand to my mouth. Eren was there in a split second; vomit bag in front of me and a comforting hand on my back, gently rubbing between my shoulder blades. I shook my head and forced myself to swallow, begging my stomach to take in the food. I wouldn't starve. I was getting out soon and I needed my strength. 

***

Later that afternoon Dr. Ackerman came to take me for testing. That's all they had been doing the entire time I had been staying there. Tests, scans, x-rays, needles, medication. This time I would be free, they would tell me I was okay and I would get out of here and complete my list. 

At least...that's what I thought. 

=================================

Hello little lovelies! I'm not sure about this fic...but I'll give it a shot anyways. <3


	2. Chapter 2

I was lead back to my room, my prison cell, after being spoken to by Dr. Ackerman. When I got there it was empty as usual. No visitors, of course. No Eren. No nothing. 

A small nurse with strawberry blonde hair followed me back to my room, she waited just outside the door.  
"Would you like any-?"   
I cut her off with a growled "No."   
I slammed the door loudly with no regard for anyone who may have been sleeping near by. I just didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. I was trapped. I looked down at myself, at who I'd become in these loose fitting hospital scrubs and bare feet. I growled low in my throat and threw a fist at the wall, leaving a large crack in the plaster.

"Levi?" Eren's familiar voice and from behind the closed door. My eyes flooded as anger filled me, burning hot and all consuming. It wasn't fair, none of it was fair.   
"Go away Eren!" I screamed before kicking the wall hard enough to damage it further causing small bits of plaster to fall onto the ground in. 

I looked down and to the side, breaths heaving raggedy, shaking fists clenched by my sides. Glancing behind me I saw my small notebook still resting untouched by the bed. My heart thumped painfully and I seized it up, violently launching it through the air and into the wall. I would never be able to do any of it. 

I collapsed down to the floor, breathing heavily in and out of failing lungs. I sobbed, letting the tears fall which I had pushed back for months. I hadn't wanted to face it, hadn't needed to accept it until now when reality comes crashing down.

As I curled in on myself I heard the door open slowly and click softly shut shortly after.   
"Levi..." Erens voice was close by my side."Why are you upset? This is good news. A lung transplant is perfect."

"I'm on a year long waiting list..." I snifled, pulling myself together and wiping my eyes. "With a four month life expectancy. I am done for Eren. The medication has held it at bay but I doubt that it will work for much longer."

Eren helped me gently to my bed, holding my hands as I got up and making sure my blankets and pillows were to my liking. I brushed him off with a grunt and turned to gingerly picked up my notebook from the floor. Eren glanced over the pages, looking at the sketches and poems there. He smiled, flicking to the back and he saw my list. Eren's thin eyebrows pulled together softly as he frowned at the words written there.

"Don't," I intervened, stretching my arm out for the book but not quite reaching it. "It's just stupid things that I wanted to do once I got out... They'll never happen now." My voice trailed off and I muttered the last few words.

Eren handed it back to me with a strange expression on his face, like he was deep in thought and anxious. Like he was planning something risky.   
"Ill be back tomorrow." He said flatly, going quickly to the door. "I have some calls to make." 

I nodded, secretly hating to see the one person who was even remotely close to a friend leave me. I was so lonely without Eren. 

I looked down at the open book in my hands. I glared at it and took my pen, scribbling.harsh lines through some of the things written there. I sighed heavily and sat back against the flat pillows, staring out the window as the small crystal like droplets ran down the glass window pane. I thought of calling my parents, letting them know I was dying. This time it was real. Inevitable. 

Then I remembered that they probably didn't care anyways. With a sigh I laid down and did the only thing I could really do; I closed my eyes and let sleep pull me into it's numbing embrace. 

 

I woke the next morning when Eren pulled my blinds open and the early morning light assaulted my dilated pupils. I groaned, closing my eyes tight, but I was secretly happy that he was there.   
"What the fuck, brat?" I spat as my eyes watered, I blinked repeatedly and rubbed at them until I had adjusted to the sudden brightness and I could see.   
"Get dressed." He instructed with a huge smile on his face. I sat up with a puzzled glance at him and saw for the first time that he had a suitcase at his feet."oh, and sign this." He handed me some release forms.  
"Why!?" I exclaimed, confused and irritated that he had woken me up so early.   
His smile was beginning to make my frown dissolve.  
"Because we are going on an adventure." He said with the most breathtaking smile I had ever seen before throwing me a pair of jeans and a white shirt from a small draw beside my bed. "Hurry up and sign or I can't take you anywhere." He whined with an over exaggerated slump of his shoulders.

I narrowed my eyes at him but slowly my resolve wavered and I signed, knowing Eren wouldn't do anything to endanger me.   
"You're going somewhere?" I asked, still watching him carefully.  
"We're going somewhere. Yes," he said exasperatedly, sighing dramatically. "I'll explain later, I promise. But first I want to get you out of this hospital. Get dressed." 

Eren drew the curtain closed between us and I changed out of my hospital scrubs hurriedly, loving the feel of real clothing hugging my body. I opened the curtain and Eren smiled. I noticed now that he wasn't wearing his normal work scrubs and coat either. He was looking...remarkably cute in his sort demin overalls, sneakers and ankle socks. I tore my gaze away from his long, tanned, hairless legs and rushed to brush my teeth. Excitment begining to grow for whatever Eren had planned. 

"Lets go," He encouraged, holding out his arm to me. I took it and he began to walk us out of the room and down the corridor. Suddenly he stopped, telling me to wait before dashing back up the hall. I waited for a few seconds before he came back, my notebook in hand.  
He chuckled and pulled my arm back into the crook of his own. "I almost forgot, we needed this." 

 

Eren led me outside where the rain had stopped today but there were still puddles here and there that forced us to step over certain parts of the damp ground. I was silent as Eren stopped at a sleek looking car and held the door open for me. 

"In you get." He encouraged. I stepped in witha faint blush and he closed the door. I couldn't stop staring, awstruck by his smiles; he was overly bright today and it was beginning to leak into my sombre disposition and lighten the weight in my chest. A few moments later he opened the door to the backseat, throwing the suitcase in before coming around and slipping into the drivers seat."okay, so...the board agreed with me when I suggested that you were well enough to be discharged as long as you had constant medical attention available."   
"So you're kidnapping me." I stated bluntly, looking out the window. Eren laughed and started the car, he pulled out of the car park and onto the road smoothly. I was impressed by his driving but I wasn't going to tell him that.  
"In a sense." He joked, eyes filledwith amusement ashe watched the road. "I am going to help you make the most of the good days you have. We are taking advantage of the fact that you are well enough for the moment."   
"How exactly?"   
"I can't tell you just yet. it's a surprise." He said with a barely contained squeal of excitement and almost bouncing in his seat. Eren glanced over and took note of my wary expression "just trust me, Levi." 

The way he said my name had me blushing, turning my face to the window so he wouldn't see. It was like he could pour the very essence of himself into each letter of my name, causing it to become special to him and making me actually like hearing it. 

My chest didn't ache as much today and for once my stomach wasnt in knots. I was excited without knowing why and a little bit scared. But... I liked it.


	3. Chapter 3

Eren made a stop at his apartment for a few minutes, picking up his suitcase and changing his clothes. Apparently we would be needing luggage, and Eren had to "look half-decent" wherever we were going.   
"Okay, yours is packed, mine is packed and now we make one last stop before we hit the road." He said climbing into the drivers seat. 

"What are you wearing?" I stared at him with wide eyes. Eren looked down at his green gingham patterned button up and black jeans.   
"What?" He asked defensively, frowning. "it's a cute shirt. Don't you think?"

I grimaced at the hideous article of clothing but decided to cut this style challenged geek some slack. He had good intentions afterall. I sighed.   
"Sure." I nodded, hoping it was convincing. "Where are we going?" I asked as we headed into the higher end part of town. We passed many different food places and my stomach began to rumble audibly.

"I'm taking you to lunch." Eren said with a laugh as he parked the car.  
"First you kidnap me, then you force me to go on a date with you." I opened the car door and got out, tugging on my leather jacket. "nice."   
"Big attitude for a small guy." Eren teased with a half smirk. He always made fun of my height, it didn't make it any more bearable though. I just rolled my eyes and followed him into the building with a flashing neon sign.

I was expecting a quick stop, just a small break at a diner or bar. Eren, on the otherhand, obviously had another idea.   
The place was upperclass if ever I'd seen it; Tables set with glinting cutlery and crystal glasses, snooty looking waiters, food with names I couldn't even pronounce and a live orchestral band in the corner. 

"Eren..." I breathed out, sticking closer to his side. "this place is amazing."   
"Tell me about it," he said, grinning down at me."I'm lucky that my friend Sasha owns the place or i'd never have gotten us a reservation."   
"You booked?" I asked as he sat us down at a table for two, pulling out my chair for me."You planned this, brat?"  
"Of course." Eren said happily as he sat down across from me."It was on your list afterall."  
"What the fuck are you on about?" What list? I thought to myself ,utterly confused.  
"Eat at a fancy restaurant was on your list of things you wanted to do." Eren explained with a serious but kind expression. "I saw it yesterday. This is the first one that you can cross off."  
"First one?" I frowned, there would be more? "you aren't making any sense, Eren."   
"I am going to help you cross off all of the things on that list." He stated with a hopeful smile."If you will let me that is. If not then I will take you back to the hospital after this." 

The waiter came, a tall thin boy with a cute spatter of freckles over his cheeks, and we ordered. Eren suggested something for me because I had no idea what i was ordering. Once he was gone I spoke.

"What if I get sick?" I whispered.   
"I am a qualified lung specialist, Levi. Just because I am a nurse, that doesnt mean I can't be anything more." He told me happily."I have everything you would need and if it got really bad then I would get you to a hospital. I'd never let anything happen to you." Something in the boy's eyes made my heart flutter and I glanced away from those bright and captivating eyes. 

It was then that the waiter came back with a plate on each hand of a mouth-watering dish that smelled strongly of garlic, herbs and tomatoes. Eren had picked well. 

"A patient and a doctor go on a road trip..." I said darkly, pushing the food around my plate with my fork. "Sounds like the start of a joke to me."   
"Okay." His face fell and he was suddenly very interested in his food, staring at it intently. "I'll take you back. Just eat first. Its the least I could do to help you cross off one." 

Guilt ate away at me from the way he had suddenly changed from jumping with excitement and barely contained joy to this blank gazed and crestfallen boy.   
"Eren, I appreciate the thought. I really do. It's the best thing anyone has ever thought to do for me by far." I explained to him, eventually he looked up and met my eyes. "I just think that you could be doing something better with your time than wasting it on me. Especially because won't even be here soon."  
"It wouldn't be wasting my time. Levi, you are more than just a patient I care for. You are my friend and I want to help you make the most of whatever time you have. Please, let me do this for you." He pleaded, looking as if he was two seconds away from getting on his knees and begging at my feet. I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face.   
"Would it make you stop staring at your food as though it personally offended you?" I asked him seriously. He bit back a laugh and tried to contain his beaming smile as he realised he had convinced me.  
"Yes, I do believe so." He said with a nod.  
"Then I suppose I can't decline." I sighed melodramatically, making Eren smile even more. I love being the reason behind that smile, I thought absently. 

Eren and I walked back to his car after lunch. He started the engine and I buckled up.   
"So...are we doing this thing?" Eren asked me, meeting my eyes.   
If I thought about it anymore I knew I would talk myself out of it even though I really wanted to do this with Eren. I wanted something good to happen for once. For seventeen years I had been waiting for an opportunity to come up for some sort of memorable experience. It was now or never.   
"Let's do it." I confirmed with a determined nod. Eren flashed me a bright smile, eyes lighting up the way they had earlier and erasing all of my doubts.


	4. Chapter 4

"So...what's first?" Eren asked from outside of the car. He had pulled over into a gas station and began to fill the tank with petrol.   
"Uh..." I flipped open my notebook, I looked to my neat, looping writing and read one."join into a random social event." I recited out of the window to Eren.  
"What does that mean?" He asked cooly, watching the numbers go up from behind his dark raybans.  
"To go and join in with some people who you don't know. To find a new friend or two." I told him with a shrug.  
"Uhh...can I see that for a sec?" He asked, putting the pump back and screwing the fuel cap back onto the tank. I nodded and handed the book over to him.  
"We can do two at once." He suggested, pointing out the 'join into a random social event' and also 'go to a music festival.' 

Eren handed the book back to me.   
"A music festival? Is there even one on?" I questioned him as he lent down through his open window to look at me.  
"Yeah, it's a few hours away though. If we leave now, we can sleep at a motel and then be up early enough to get in before it gets too packed. Be right back." Eren smiled at me before walking away to pay for the fuel. 

I waited, looking through my notebook. I spotted a pen on the dash and began to roughly sketch a picture. I ended up with a picture of lips, the bottom caught between the teeth. Bitten lips. 

I looked up to see a boy, or maybe a man walking past the front of the car...he was dressed in some booty shorts and a loose tank top that showed off his thick, tan biceps and the curve of toned pecs. He would be so strong, I thought. I could imagine him lifting me, pressing me-   
The driver's side door opened and I snapped my gaze away quickly. 

We drove for a few hours, travelling far out of the city I had been in for so long and It was surprising how comfortable the silence was. We passed through a city and after a while we were on a freeway heading towards the next town. 

Eren had plugged my phone into his stereo and now my music was pumping loudly.   
"Your music just makes me want to twerk and grind all over everything." Eren joked, body rolling and bopping his head. He threw his ahead to the side, accidentally smacking it into the door frame and cursing creatively. I stifled my laughter and he looked over quickly with wide eyes.   
"You're smiling!" He half shouted out. "I've never seen you smile like that!" 

"I don't really have much reason to when I'm locked in a hospital room." I pointed out as the song changed to an even more erotic song; Something by the weeknd. I chuckled when Eren's eyes widened marginally at some explicit language and stopped dancing.

"You have so many sexy songs." Eren noted."I kind of like it."   
Nowitwas my turn to look shocked.  
"Innocent little Eren likes smut?"   
"What nineteen year old doesn't like smut?" He responded with a light laugh.  
"Nineteen?" He was so young! "How do you already have your qualifications?"   
"Well... I have connections, and I got a head start because I finished high school a few years earlier."  
"Right." I said shaking my head."so now you are a lung specialist, a nurse AND a genius."  
"No, not a genius." He yawned, blinking a few times."just a hard worker." 

I realised just how hard he really would have had to work. He was usually there all day and into the night with me. Only leaving when he had to sleep. Some nights he didn't even go home. I was glad we were doing this, now he would be able to take a break from that awful place. 

Eren yawned again, rubbing his eyes with one hand. The sun had begun to set, a beautiful pink and purple twilight splashed across the clouds and turned everything gorgeous pastel shades of cotton candy and lavender.   
"Hey shitstain, pull over. I can drive." I said to him."you need to rest for a while.'the tired mind is dangerous not only for the driver but-'" I quoted.   
"Alright, alright." He said with an eye roll."I'll pull over at the next safe place."  
"Good."

After a few more minutes Eren pulled over and climbed out of the car. I got out too, stretching my legs and torso. Eren was bent over his phone.   
"What are you doing?" I asked curiously.   
"Putting the motel into my GPS thingy." He ducked into the car, shuffling around in there for a few moments before we heard "turn right onto the freeway in...10 metres" 

He smiled, proud of his handiwork, before turning to me.   
"How are you feeling?" He asked kindly.   
"Good." I said, moving to the drivers seat and hopping in. Eren leaned into the space also, putting us so close together that I could smell his sweet scent. 

As I stared awkwardly at his sharp jawline, and fantasized over what I could do to his exposed neck if things were different, he explained all the weird buttons and things incase I needed it, which I probably wouldn't anyways, and then went around to the passenger seat. 

I soon started the car, feeling it come to life under my touch. It was powerful and I loved it. My heart thrummed along with the pistons and I couldn't hold back a smile.   
"Don't hurt my baby." Eren warned before settling back and yawning again, slipping his eyelids shut.   
"I won't." I promised before pulling smoothly out onto the freeway and almost groaned at how good the handling was, paired with the sensitivity of the accelerator. 

If there was one good thing that came out of living in france, it would be the job I had. I got to test drive all the competition race cars before they were sent out. I knew how to drive as well as I knew how to walk. 

I pressed my foot down on the clutch, shifting gears smoothly, accelerating quickly. There was hardly anyone on the freeway right now and I planned to take advantage of that fact. I sped up, engine easily taking what I was giving. 

 

"Fuck." I breathed out when I pulled into the motel parking lot, sliding easily into a park. That was exactly what I needed to take my mind off everything.   
"At least take me on a date before you start with the demands" Eren joked, eyes still closed, thick lashed brushing his cheeks slightly.   
"Shut up brat." But I smiled despite my words and Eren's eyes opened to glance at the time.   
"We were meant to get here at seven." He said amusingly as he raised his eyebrows.   
"What?" I looked at the clock on the dash. 6:10. "Oh. I wasn't going that fast."   
Eren shook his head and mumbled something about me paying the speeding fine as he took the suitcases from the back of the car and handing mine over. "You like cars?"   
I locked the car as we wheeled our bags to the door of the motel and threw him the keys.   
"You could say that." I smirked.   
"I could get used to that." Eren said wistfully after a moment. I glanced over to him, he was watching me.   
"What?" I asked bluntly.   
"Seeing you smile." He said, bright eyes meeting my dark ones."it's really nice to see."

I looked away from him before I blushed, I didn't need him saying things like that. Doctor and patient. Friends at best. That was all. I didn't need him saying things and making me all jittery and stupid. I thought such things often enough as it was. 

Eren held the door for me as I walked through with a mumbled thanks. The front desk was empty which was a little annoying.   
"Hello?" Eren called politely when we approached the counter. He rang the bell. Once, twice, four times. My eye twitched in annoyance at the repeating high pitched dinging. He hit it once more and I snatched it up off the desk away from him with an agrivated snarl.   
"Sorry." He shot me an apologetic smile and I just shook my head while setting the bell back down.

"That's it." I said after another minute of waiting. I jumped the counter, landing lightly on the other side. I knew how to work this, my parents had owned a hotel and I had worked weekends when I was there. I typed a few things in and found some rooms.  
"There's only a few rooms and they all only have 1 king sized bed." I told him with a small shrug."We will have to share or get separate rooms."   
"I'm okay with sharing if you are." Eren said cheerfully. Of course he was okay with sharing. He didn't know I was a raging homosexual and that he was a delicious looking straight boy. I shook my head in surrender and booked the room that had been most recently cleaned. I put my card number in as payment for one night and picked up our key card before proceeding to jump back over the counter. 

"Thanks for that." Eren commented, walking toward the stairs.   
"No need to thank me. I was getting impatient." I stopped at the bottom of the stair case, looking to Eren with raised eyebrows. Stairs and bad lungs didn't mix well.  
"Oh right, you can't go up stairs." Eren said, coming back down while biting his lip nervously. He took a deep breath as he pushed the button to call the elevator down. He started whistling lightly, rocking on his feet and wiping his hands on his jeans. It was only when he reached up to wipe his forehead that I noticed how his hands were shaking.   
"You okay?" I asked him. He nodded but his smile was absent. liar."What is it?"

The elevator dinged and opened, Eren stared distantly into the space for a few long seconds before gripping the handle of the bags tightly and pulling it into the tiny elevator. I followed him in, feeling utterly confused by his behaviour and the doors closed. We were near the top floor so it was going to be a little while. 

Eren let out a shaking breath and leaned against one of the mirrored walls. When the elevator began to ascend his legs buckled, I lunged and caught him quickly. While keeping him upright I moved my bag so that he could sit on it. 

"It's just the elevator." He breathed, closing his eyes."I get extremely claustrophobic." The elevator jerked to a hault and Eren's hand shot out, grasping my shoulder painfully. His eyes flew open and darted around.   
"We are at the floor." I said to him quietly, removing his hand from my shoulder. "relax."   
The doors dinged and opened to show the cream painted hallway of our floor which was brightly lit by modern looking fixtures. 

Eren flung himself out of the elevator as if it were on fire and I just rolled my eyes before following with our bags in tow. 

"Sorry about that." Eren murmured with a tiny as I caught up to him.  
"Don't be." I said to him."most people are like that with something."   
"You too?" Eren asked, obviously trying to make me forget what had just happened. He was embarrassed about it.   
"Yeah." I replied."even me."  
"What do you get anxious over?" Eren asked me gently as he slid the key card through the lock and the door opened to let us in.   
"My parents." I said quietly before moving into the room. It was big. Like...really big. There were floor to ceiling windows along one wall that were over looking a small city. The sun had fully set now, lights visible in the darkness. I had stood watching for a few minutes, wondering how I would draw the scene.

"It's so nice." Eren said from behind me. I looked over to see that he had removed his shirt and pants, only in boxers with a towel drapped over his shoulder. I immediately averted my gaze.  
"Immediately remove your half naked body from my sight you asswipe." I scolded him.   
"Geez..." he raised his hands in surrender."I was just going to have a shower and ask you if you wanted one tonight or tomorrow morning."  
I sighed, really wishing he would leave the room, taking that perfect bodyguard with him. "Both." I answered shortly.   
"Alright then..." his voice faded and I knew he had gone background the bathroom. I heard him mumble, "Mr. Clean," before the water gushed and the door closed.


	5. Chapter5

I woke to Eren's cheery voice and the horrifying brightness of the sun as usual.   
"Some things never change do they, douche dick?" I grumbled, rolling over to bury my face in a pillow. I smiled a little when I smelt Eren's sweet scent on the sheets. 

"Levi..." Eren said from somewhere I couldn't see with my face hidden in the soft mound of feathers."you are still under my care and you need to get up and ready. I'll be back in five minutes. If you aren't up I'm forcing you up." He warned before leaving. 

My lungs felt tight and my breathing was a little uneven. I knew I should get out of bed and have some medication but I was just so tired...which, ironically, is what one of my medications was meant to prevent. I groaned and threw the covers over my head. 

"Levi, we have to leave in an hour." Eren's voice was slightly muffled from the cover."if you don't come out then i'm coming in."   
I thought of that...  
Eren had slept in the same bed as me last night but we were both exhausted and fell asleep very quickly. But now we were very much awake and the thought of Eren coming and getting under the comforter with me sounded promising. However, I couldn't trust my body to hide my excitement and so I got out of the bed with a sigh. 

An hour later I had eaten, been medicated, showered and was now in the car with Eren on the way to my first music festival. I looked down at my shirt with a scowl. 

"Lighten up." Eren jostled my arm with his elbow and I turned my scowl on him."Well, you can't wear black to a music festival." 

"But rainbow tie-dye? Seriously?" I asked, gesturing to the t-shirt he had leant me. It was a little big so the sleeves were roped up a few times.  
"We match, it's cute." He stated firmly, as if enforcing it as a fact rather than an opinion. 

I looked over to Eren who wore black jeans, a rainbow tank top that matched mine almost perfectly and a colourful flower crown. How could he be straight, I sighed internally. Eren was smiling brightly as we approached the parking lot which was across the road to the festival. A large crowd of people were already gathered by the gate and it didn't open for another two hours. Eren was right to get here early. 

"Wow." I said as we parked."there is going to be heaps of people isn't there?"   
"Yeah." Eren laughed."for sure." 

We were sat peacefully under a tree a while later, eating an ice-cream each and watching as people trickled in through the gates. There were several stages set up and about a thousand different stalls and food stands. The dj set up some maroon 5 to start with, just to pump up the crowds close to the stages. 

"Make sure to stay close incase anything happens." Eren said to me, biting into an icecream cone, some of the sweet treat dripping onto his chin."I don't want to lose you in these crowds, you're so small that I'd never find you in time."   
I nodded, reaching my thumb up to clean the spot off Eren's chin. He looked a little embarrassed but laughed and thanked me kindly. 

"Hey, nice shirt!" We turned and saw a girl with her hair tugged into a high ponytail and glasses framing her face.   
"Hanji!" A blonde guy followed after her, his bold eyebrows set into a frown. 

"I'm Hanji," the girl held out a small hand and Eren shook it.   
"Eren," I shook her hand also "and this is Levi."   
"This is Erwin," hanji indicated towards the blonde guy with broad shoulders."he's my best friend. Are you guys here with friends or just you two?"  
"Well, this was a last minute thing so we are alone." Eren explained with a smile."but you guys are welcome to join us."  
"Thanks!" Hanji said, plopping down by us, Erwin following her lead."So are you two together?" 

Eren laughed and I looked at him horrified.  
"no!" I half shouted."no, he is my..." nurse? Doctor? Carer?  
"We are just friends. He's a bit of a shy one." Eren mock stage whispered ti them, giving me a wink.   
"Aw, that's cute." Erwin laughed. I looked down at my hands and wished that this wasn't so awkward. I hated awkward. 

Half an hour later and the festival was in full force. Music pumping, crowds pulsing and smiles beaming. We had sat and chilled with hanji and Erwin until they had whispered something to Eren and he had quickly and enthsiastically agreed.   
"Lets go cross off another one of those wishes." Eren smiled and stood up."join in a random social event." He turned and walked in the direction of a gathering crowd.   
"Wait up, shit-for-brains!" I hurried to follow him and a few moments later we emerged near a small stage.   
There was a large, sturdy looking pole in the middle of the stage and my eyes went wide as I saw hanji get up there.

The crowd that had gathered around went wild as she danced and messed around up on stage, twisting clumsily around on the pole with the music pumping around her. Erwin was laughing along with everyone else when she hopped off the stage, a huge smile across her face. I had to admit...it looked pretty fun. I glanced to Eren who gave me a pointed look.   
"Your turn." He pressed.   
"No," I shook my head and another person stepped up to entertain."not a chance."   
"Levi...this is, quite literally, your only chance. No one here is judging you, they are loving it." He gestured to the man on stage who was quite large and not very rhythmic but everyone was cheering him on nonetheless. Eren gave me a small frown before sighing. "Look, if I go first will you go after me?" He questioned.   
I thought about it...  
I wasn't really shy, just scared to embarrass myself. Then again...I was actually a pretty good dancer and embarrassment never lasted.   
"Only if you go first." I agreed. He made me pinkie promise.

Eren grinned, jumping onto the stage as 'pillow talk' came on. The crowd cheered deafeningly loud as Eren swayed his hips, running his hands over his body, laughing at himself as he did. He was being silly and I found myself laughing as he pointed to me and began pulling off his shirt, taking it over his head and tossing it to me. He went to the pole and grinded against it, winking at the dj as he did. I watched in amazement as his body moved. Then the song was over and he stood at the edge of the stage, pointing to me.   
"You're up, Shorty." Eren called. I didn't even have time to react before the crowd was physically dragging me and putting me onto the stage, they cheering unbelieveably loudly as Eren jumped down and waited at the very edge of the stage. 

The crowd screamed impossibly louder when the next song played. Eren, hanji and Erwin started a chant of my name and soon the whole crowd was screaming. I thought, screw it and I let the music take over. I moved slowly, seductively, teasing the crowd as they screamed my name.

I bent over, ass to the crowd and did a slut drop before removing my shirt as I raised back up. The level of noise was much greater than Eren's had been. I started on the pole which made me smirk because I met big green eyes in the crowd, shocked and captivated. I grinded on the pole, making love with the music and the moment before raising onto the pole and spinning around for a little. I finished with a split and there were whistles, cheers, even some underwear (disgusting but appreciated) thrown from the crowd as I left the stage. 

I shrugged my shirt back on and came to Eren, Erwin and hanji.   
"Woah Levi," hanji said with a laugh,"Shorty with a booty."  
"They loved it." Erwin said, taking a bite of a churro.   
"I didn't know you were that sexy." Eren commented with another heart stopping wink . My chest felt strange and I got a little light headed.   
"Eren, I need to sit down." I breathed out.   
"Oh, Erwin and hanji, we will find you again soon." He put a hand on my back and led me towards a quieter spot. People were sunbathing and laying in hammocks here. I sat down and took a few deep breaths, my chest lightening a little bit.   
"Where does It hurt?" He asked in his doctor voice. I hated it."Any mucous or fluid when you cough?" He placed his hands lightly on my back and when I realised he was checking my breathing I pulled away.  
"Eren, don't." I looked away."I hate it" I hated feeling like he was only touching me to know that my heart was still beating or I was still breathing normally.   
"I know but I need to help if I can." He said gently, slipping back into the role of my friend. 

"Let's go dance." I said, standing up and brushing off my jeans.   
"Are you sure?"   
"Yes." I helped him up."this is a music festival and now we are going to dance."

The sun had set and the under eighteens had left. Eren had snuck me an armband for over eighteens with only a whispered 'don't ask' as an explanation. 

The weeknd came on, the crowd came together as hands roamed and hormones began to rage. The music was sexy and slow but filled with bass as the lights flickered and shone out in changing colours. 

"Want a drink cutie?" A tall boy with black hair and tanned skin asked me boldly, flanked by a blonde man who wore a slight frown.   
"Uh..." I looked around and saw Eren with his head bent to talk to some girl with red hair. "sure." 

"Reiner, go get our cutie a drink." The blonde boy walked away with a grunt and the tan boy offerred me a smile."I'm Bertholdt. I saw you up on stage earlier."  
"Oh god." I scoffed.  
"You were the best one out." Bertholdt said with a wink and a half smile. Reiner re-appeared at my side, handing me a drink in a foam cup. I thanked him. Eren appeared a little way away, I could see him watching me in the corner of my eye.   
"So how about you drink up and we get out of here?" Reiner asked, lust in his gaze.   
"Can't. I'm with a friend." I said to them. I saw them exchange a look and Bertholdt stepped towards me.   
"Well, at least have a drink with us." He insisted. I tipped the cup to my lips and then suddenly it was hit from my hand, spilling onto the ground. Eren was infront of me.  
"Get away from him," Eren growled "he's not interested in anything you've got."  
They both left after a few seconds of staring at Eren.   
"Did you drink any of that?" Eren asked urgently.   
"No, because you came and smacked it out of my hand like a maniac." I hissed accusingly.   
"It was drugged." He said."pectra was telling me about them just as i saw you with them."  
"What?"  
"Not everyone is a nice person." He said to me with a smirk."if you want a drink I'll get.you one and I'll drive back to the hotel." Meaning Eren would be designated driver. 

"Can we both drink?" I asked him."it doesn't have to be here, or anywhere with people. I've never been drunk before and I'd like to try it."

"We could go pick some stuff up from the liquor store and have it back at the hotel. We could see if Erwin and hanji want to come along." He suggested, touching a finger to his soft lips."if you wanted to, that is."   
"Yeah, lets do that."


	6. Chapter 6

"Right hand red!" Hanji called out at the spinner stopped. I weaved my hand under Erwin's face and I felt Eren move against my leg before laughing hard. I didn't even think we were playing it right to be honest but no one really cared. I craned my head to see that Eren's firm butt was right under me and he was giggling about it profusely. 

Alcohol made Eren uncontrolablly bubbly, hanji even more crazy and Erwin very uncoordinated and slow. I on the other hand was light as air and felt as though everything was as great as could be. 

"Left foot green!" Hanji cried out before horse eating some skittles off her hand. I reached out my left leg for a green dot, Erwin grunted and moved his also. Eren moved his long leg, stretching out infront of his body, causing his ass to press into my crotch.   
"Get your ass off me, brat!" I shouted. He wiggled his ass and laughed so hard that he fell, crushing Erwin's leg in the process. I stood and shook my head, looking down at Erwin cursing as Eren rolled around on the floor in a fit of laughter, gasping for air. I couldn't help but laugh too. 

We were waiting on a taxi to take Erwin and hanji home. They had spent almost all night with us here, playing games, telling stories and learning about why we were here. I guess you could even consider them close friends at this point.

"Shots!" Hanji called pouring another round for all except me. I stopped drinking a few hours ago when I stopped controlling my words. They tapped the glasses on the table before throwing it back and placing the empty glass down. 

"Truth or dare?" Eren asked, laying down on the ground.   
"Dare." Hanji said quickly.   
"I dare you...." Eren thought for a moment before the spark of mischief lit in his eyes."to give Erwin a lap dance." 

Hanji looked let down at the dare but then she brightened up. "Only if you give Levi one too." Hanji giggled and Eren agreed. Eren ran to the stereo, plugging his phone in with some great difficulty and pressing a song. It had a fast beat but it was easy to move to. 

"I didn't agree to this!" Erwin protested as hanji pushed him into a chair next to mine.  
"Neither did I!" I said, backing up Erwin. 

"Too bad." Eren and hanji both said at the same time which made us all laugh. 

Eren set to work, as did hanji but my eyes were focused on the brunette who was crouched at my feet. Eren ran his hands up my thighs and stood up, swaying his hips to the music. He sat just over my crotch as he wiggled and swayed, back and forth and around in circles. He met my eyes and my heart picked up, I wanted to put my hands on him and feel his body, to watch him come undone, his cheeks flushed and his body against mine. I felt my jeans become tighter and I knew that Eren would know exactly what he was doing to me.  
"Taxi's here!" Hanji jumped off Erwin and rushed to the door.  
"I'll message you guys." Erwin said as he followed her, slightly off balance."we need to hang out again." He left and closed the door, locking it behind them. Their departure went nearly unnoticed due to all my focus being in the boy in front of me. 

Eren turned around and straddled my hips with his long, sexy legs. His arms slid up my chest and wrapping around my neck. He let a crooked and oh-so-sexy smile spread across his face and bit his lip teasingly.   
"There's something about you... that drives me crazy " Eren whispered into my ear, making me shiver. I was about to grip his hips and pull him closer when he got off me."But I know better than to fuck with patients." He said with a small smile before walking away and into the bedroom. Ouch. 

I groaned and tried to adjust my pants. I wanted desperately to follow Eren into the room and...I didn't really know what exactly. Even if I was sure, he wouldn't want me anyways. Like he said, I was just a patient. I was hit with a wave of nausea and rushed to the bathroom, stumbling a little along the way. 

I vomited acidic liquid, leaving a burning trail as it expelled from my throat and into the germ ridden toilet bowl.   
Once I was sure it was over I got into the shower, washing myself thoroughly as a headache began to set in. 

I dressed quickly in a pair of boxers and walked slowly into the bedroom. Eren was splayed out on the bed, he was breathing heavily with his eyes tightly closed. 

I sat down on the bed and pulled my notebook out. Crossing off the three things we had completed so far before putting it down and turning off the light. I slipped under the sheets next to Eren, trying for ignore how much what he had said hurt. Why did I even get the tiniest bit hopeful? It was stupid, he is a nurse and I'm his patient. That's all. 

"Levi?" Eren mumbled from the darkness.   
"Mmm?"  
"I hope you had a good day." He said softly, almost child like."I tried to make it okay."   
"It was perfect." I told him."go to sleep, Eren."   
"Goodnight, Levi." He whispered sleepily.  
"Goodnight." 

 

I was startled awake by a sudden jolt next to me before a loud thump followed by a curse. I opened my eyes to see Eren on the floor by the bedroom door. He groaned and got up again, throwing open the door and running out to the bathroom. 

When he came back I smiled at him. He smiled back before his face suddenly went blank and his cheeks flushed.   
"I am-what I said last night was-I didn't mean to-" he broke off as he gagged again and ran out of the room. He was a mess. 

I kind of liked this though. I liked to see that he wasn't just a nurse and that he was, indeed, a real human with flaws. 

"Eren?" I called, pulling the sheets back and climbing out of bed."Are you alright?" 

I went into the bathroom and found him leaned over the toilet. I chuckled and helped him up, he didn't complain.   
"Get into the shower." I told him, helping him take off his hoodie."it will help you feel better." He nodded and I left the room.   
I was more tired than usual but I pushed it away, not letting it get to me as I called for room service. I went into the lounge and sat down, looking out through the large windows there. I wondered what kinds of people were down there and if they were happy with their life.   
If they were to die tomorrow...would they be happy? Would they have any regrets? Would they be loved?

My thoughts were disrupted by Eren clearing his throat behind me.   
"So...about last night." Eren sat down beside me."I didn't mean what I said." 

"I know." I said softly without looking at him."no one likes a sick person. Don't worry, I get it."  
"That's not what I-"  
There was a knock on the door and I stood to get it, not wanting to continue this conversation in the least

A few moments later I returned to the room with two plates of breakfast. Eren came and ate with me, talking about the weather and how he would be at work doing hourly checks by now usually. 

"What's on the list for today?" Eren asked, eating the last piece of bacon off his plate as I bit into an apple.   
"Something easy because it's already three." I said, watching him. He didn't quite meet my eyes and it was beginning to get to me.   
"Like what?"he asked, wiping his hands on a napkin.  
"Piercings."   
"You want to get a hole stabbed through your body?" He asked with raised eyebrows.  
"Yes." I said blankly."well actually three."  
"Where?"  
"I want my ears redone and my lip." I said before taking both our plates and putting them back onto the trolley. I turned and saw that Eren was staring at me strangely."what?'  
"I never thought you would want a piercing." He said with a smirk. "you seem so sweet and innocent."  
"Right...is this coming from a nineteen year old virgin?" Eren flushed and looked away with a frown and a mumbled "asshole". He was a virgin? I hid my surprise and continued "well you are going to be even more surprised when I drag you with me to get a tattoo next."  
"What!?"

I laughed, took my pills, and walked into the bathoom to shower and get dressed. Soon I was wearing a dark blue shirt and black jeans with some black sneakers. Eren had already dressed in jeans and a bright green tank top with matching sneakers.   
"Why do you dress so brightly?" I asked, brushing my teeth as Eren walked in and picked up his own toothbrush.   
"Because I love colours." He said with a shrug."The world is dark enough without me adding to it." He smiled and went about brushing his teeth. He was very cute with his soft features, and those huge turquoise eyes made me want to get lost in them. His hair was messy and I reached to pat some of it down. 

"What are you doing?" He asked with a mouthful of white foam.   
"Your hair is a mess." I said, running my fingers through it to try and tame it."I'm fixing it."  
"I-I can do it." He pulled away gently, his cheeks heating up.  
"Just let me-" I reached out for him and he stepped back away from me, flinching as if I was about to swing at him. I frowned with hurt blossoming in my chest.  
"Sorry," I mumbled.

I quickly finished brushing my teeth and walked out of the bathroom without looking at Eren. I knew this was about what he did last night so I decided to go and sit in the hall until he was ready. I had experienced this before. A straight boy has a few drinks, sees a friend a bit differently, gets adventurous and then regrets it tomorrow. Leaving the gay friend very confused and hurt. 

I clenched my fists and kicked the wall violently, hearing it crack a little. Eren opened the door and looked me in they eyes for the first time thismorning.   
"I'm sorry." He told me, guilt weighing on his tone.   
I put a hand in my hair and asked,"For what?"   
"For last night and just now." He explained as he hauled the two bags out the door and closed it firmly."I don't know why I did any of those things. Can we...please forget about it and go back to how we were yesterday?" I nodded and grabbed my bag.   
"Sure." I muttered.

We checked out of the hotel with a confused look from the receptionist when she didn't recognise us from check in. Eren laughed when she sent us on our way with a puzzled expression.

"Lets go get pierced shall we?" Eren suggested with a smile as we climbed into his car and he started the engine. I put my music in and leaned back in my seat as we traveled. 

I sang along quietly to a song that played, winding down so the wind ruffled and tugged my hair making me smile as it blocked my vision. 

'You make me wanna to do things that I shouldn't...' I sang, swaying my head and dancing in my seat. I heard Eren laugh from beside me, a light and happy sound. I glanced over to see him watching me, his smile beaming.   
"You are so strange." He laughed, eyes moving back to the road."one second you are all silent and deadly, then the next you are smiling as if nothing was ever wrong with the world."

I didn't know how to respond to that. The bridge of the song came on and I scooted closer with a sudden surge of silliness. 

I ran my hands along his arm as I belted out the high notes. I was moving and rubbing against him as I sang, he was laughing and telling me that he would crash if I didn't stop.   
"Somethin' 'bout... somethin' 'bout you!"   
Soon enough Eren gave in and sang along, tapping his hands on the wheel as we shouted out the lyrics loud enough for anyone around to hear us crystal clear. 

I had a feeling in my stomach that told me I had made the right choice to come on this trip, mainly because I had a feeling Eren was the best person I could have chosen to go with.


	7. Chapter 7

I climbed out of the car feeling much happier than I was when I had gotten in it.   
The piercing place we had pulled up infront of was painted all black with a red sign reading 'titan body mods' 

Eren walked by my side as we entered the building which smelled strongly of disinfectant cleaner and latex. The floor, as we stepped up to the counter, was black and white checkered which was in contrast to the bright pink walls that we're lined with tattoo designs and displayed what piercings they did. 

"Hi, how can I help you?" A tall, thin boy bounced over to the counter. His blonde hair was just to his jaw and when he spoke I saw that there was a pink bar running through his tongue. 

"Uh, I Want my ears and lip done." I said to the blonde boy.   
"Sure, cutie." The blonde said before turning his gaze to Eren."anything for you?"   
"Ummm..." Eren hummed. I expected him to decline so I was surprised when he spoke."Industrial would be good."   
I shot him a surprised look and he just shrugged with a smile. 

"Sure thing, handsome." The blonde said before filling something out and then gesturing us to follow him into the back. "I'm Armin by the way."   
"I'm Eren, this is Levi." Eren introduced as we reached a small room with a chair that looked like the ones dentist's used but black.  
"Who's going to be brave and go first?" Armin asked with a small giggle, sitting on a small wheeled chair and crossing his legs.   
"I'll go first because I've got less." Eren said, sitting down in the chair as I leaned back against the wall with my arms crossed. 

Armin busied himself with putting on gloves and opening up slips that held the sterilized needles and jewellery.   
"Okay, this will hurt a little bit." Amrin said, after wiping and marking Eren's ear for the piercing."or...a lot"

"if you get scared I know something you can grab onto." A voice from the door mocked. I looked over to see a tall man with a long face and a two tone haircut. His skin was covered in ink and I assumed he was the tattoo artist.   
"Babe, I'm sitting right here." Armin mumbled with a playful glare."Now if you would leave while I peirce this boy..."

Horseface rolled his eyes at his 'babe' and walked away down the hall. I turned back to see Armin sliding a needle through two spots in the cartilage of Erens ear. He didn't even flinch. 

"You're all done." Armin said after sliding a bar through and giving it a little spray. Eren and I switched places and Armin grinned."Time to do some real damage."   
"If you damage me, I will permanently incapacitate you." I threatened.   
"I like you." Armin giggled as he ignored thievery real threat, changing his gloves and picking up a new packaged needle before tearing it open. "Are you guys coming to the rave tomorrow night at Sina street club?" 

Eren looked to me and I shrugged." We hadn't heard of it until now but maybe we will go." Eren said cheerfully. 

Armin pierced my ears with the gun in no time at all before sliding the chair back to the desk and getting a clamp and the opened needle. It was long and had a tube on the end.   
"Do you want a ring or a stud?" He asked me.   
"Ring." I answered shortly. Armin nodded and went to get the ring. 

A few moments later Armin was pulling my mouth with clamp and threading a needle through the left side of my bottom lip. It stung a little for a second before Armin pushed the small ring through and fastened it closed. 

"All finished." He grinned and his eyes widened."woah...you look even hotter now." Armin exclaimed, holding up a mirror to let me see. The ring was small so it hugged my lip and actually looked really good. My ears were pierced with fake gauges and made me look more punk.   
I bit down on it a little and was surprised when it didn't hurt. I looked over to Eren and he averted his gaze quickly as if he'd been staring. I rolled my eyes and stood up. 

"Thanks again." Eren said as we walked out of the door. We had brought sprays and paid for the piercings before leaving.   
"Hey, Eren?" I asked as we got closer to his dark grey Porsche panamera.   
"Yeah?"  
"Can I drive?"   
"If you want to," Eren handed me the keys from his pocket."But I'm not tired if that's what you are worried about."  
"No," I dismissed his concern as we got into the car. I put my hands on the wheel and sighed with a smirk at Eren. "I just really like your car." 

He laughed and typed something into the GPS before putting it onto the hands free stand.   
"We are heading there." He sat back and buckled up."Just to grab an early dinner then we can either find a hotel and stay in or go out and do whatever." 

I put my seat belt on and started the car. I smiled when the engine pured easily to life.   
"Do you two want to be alone for a moment?" Eren joked. I rolled my eyes and reversed smoothly from the parking space. Eren looked at me in shock. It should have been a hard task to get out of that bumper to bumper parking but it was easily done by me. I then proceeded to slip into the traffic and weave through until we were safely on the backstreest and the GPS re-routed to compensate. 

"You are a really good driver." Eren said to me in surprise."I knew you liked cars, I didn't know that you actually knew how to drive them." 

"I wouldn't risk driving with you in a car like this If I wasn't able to control it, brat." I stated before easily overtaking an agonisingly slow driver."The reason we were early to the hotel that first night was because it was mainly open highway and I was testing out the car. I wouldn't have driven like that with you in the car unless I was sure that you were safe. I'm not as reckless and stupid as I seem." 

"I don't think you are reckless or stupid at all." Eren said to me as he looked out of the window at the city passing.   
"Well, thanks" I was surprised, most people took one look at me and assumed I was trouble.   
"To be honest, you are one of the smartest and down to earth people I know." He turned to look at me.   
"Yeah, totally." I said sarcastically."says the genius protege."   
"I'm serious." Eren said defiantly."You know about the world. When I first sat down with you and you told me straightfaced all about the stars and the universe I nearly didn't come back because you were so intimidating."  
"Yeah so I like stars?" I argued."that's it."  
"And you know about people, what makes them tick and you know about life:'the good and the bad parts are in stunning contrast yet oddly similar.' You told me that."  
"Well being poor or being rich are both totally different things, yet they are both measures of class and wealth."   
"See right there!" He pointed at me before turning to face out the windscreen."you speak so intelligently."

We stopped at a red light and I looked over to him, his eyes were bright but he didn't look at me. When I didn't say anything he continued on, the words seeming to just pour from his mouth in a fast stream.  
"You speak so poetically when you write or recite the work in your notebooks. Your words evoke so many feelings and they allow me to witness something that only good literature can. Then there's your drawings! They are like-" he broke off suddenly as if realising his babbling. Eren glanced sideways at me with red cheeks.   
"Well, so yeah.You're pretty great." He finished, looking out the window. 

"You are some kind of crazy." I murmured as we turned a corner.   
"Can I ask you something?" Eren asked timidly from beside me.   
"Sure." I said as an idiot raced past me on the road. I resisted the urge to give him the finger and just let it go.   
"How did you learn how to drive so well?"   
I thought for a moment about wether or not to share this information with Eren. Its not like it was a secret or anything. Sure why not.   
"I used to test drive race cars as a safety dummy." I answered."If anything was broken it was my job to detect it."  
Erens eyes widened. "Isn't that dangerous?" 

"That, Eren, is why it was me who did it and not my uncle who produced them." I remembered what my uncle had Said to me one day when I complained about nearly hitting a wall because a wheel wasn't on correctly.By that time he had already known I was sick. "I am expendable. It was better me than someone important." 

"Don't say that!" Eren shouted. I jumped, startled by his sudden mood change. I made sure the car was on track before looking at him incredulously. His face was set into an angry frown. I frowned at him return. "If you weren't important why would I be doing this thing with you?" He challenged.   
"Pity." I stated calmly as the lines of the parkinglot appeared and I ppulled the car in seamlessly.   
"Well you are wrong." Eren sat stubbornly, not undoing his seatbelt even after the car had completely stopped I removed the key."why did you say that?"   
"We are here." I pointed out.   
Eren just nodded.  
"Are you not going to get out?" I asked him.   
He shook his head and looked out the window."Not until you tell my why you think that way about yourself."   
"Eren...come on." I groaned."let's just go and eat."   
"I am here to care for you. That's both physically and mentally." Eren stated in his doctor voice."so talk."   
I sighed and put my hands over my face at his uncooperative disposition."Are you actually doing this right now?" He nodded and I wanted to punch the car but I knew it was too good to damage.   
"Fine, Eren." I exclaimed, gripping the steering wheel hard."What exactly do you want to know?" 

"Why you think that you are not important and why you think I would be here out of pity." Eren stated, eyebrows raised expectantly.  
"Because I am sick. I am not going to be here soon and all this will be a waste of your time and money. You are just a decent person." I looked down at my hands."I know that no one likes a sick person, Eren. You shouldn't get attached to someone who is just going to d-"  
"Stop it." Eren scolded before he took of his belt and got out of the car. I sat there confused for a second. Why would he just leave after demanding I answer? Then my door opened and Eren crouched there so that he was looking up at my face.  
"I don't know who the hell has put that crap into your head but You are not worthless and I am not here out of pity." Erens eyes bore into mine and made it hard to look away, his tone was firm but also gentle."If you can't see that by now you need to take a step back and see me as more than just a doctor or caretaker. I am here because I am your friend and I want for you to be happy."  
"I am happy." I proclaimed.  
"Then I'm going to keep it that way." There was something that flashed in Eren's eyes that made my heart contract and beat faster."now let's go eat and stops with all the sad talk."

Eren got up and waited for me to get out of the car and hand him the keys before turning and heading onward. I was speechless. Eren words had shaken me up in a way that made my stomach churn nervously. He actually cared. That was both good and also very bad.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ewww," Eren complained with a curl of his lip as he glared down at his plate of food. He had a black bean burger with salad and chips. It looked good to me.   
"What's wrong with it?" I questioned, failing to see the problem.   
"It has tomato." He whined.   
I looked down to mine, it was the same, I just ordered it without pickles or tomato. I passed him mine and took his instead.  
"There." I picked up the burger and took a bite. It was delicious, though it would be better without the tomato but oh well, I wasn't about to waste food and at least the little brat was happy.

Eren looked at me with a thoughtful gaze, his head tilted slightly. "Thanks." He said softly as though I had done something really meaningful.

"So...what inspired you to make that list?" Eren asked, taking a sip off water, a small drop rolled down onto his chin and he quickly wiped it away with a small laugh. I rolled my yes at his clumsiness.   
"I wanted to get out and live." I explained."I didn't want to go back to France where my parents were."  
"Okay...but why things like music festivals and piercings?" He asked, popping a fry into his mouth.   
"I don't know really." I admitted, picking some lettuce of my burger."I guess I'm just a simple person."  
"So you don't want to...I don't know..." Eren chewed thoughtfully for a short time."Jump from cliffs or planes, run a marathon or have sex with a hundred people or anything like that?" 

I surprised myself by laughing at his nonchalant tone."No, not at all. I just want to watch sunsets, meet people and have some fun."   
"Sounds nice." Eren said as if I had suggested something to him."I'm in."  
"I didn't ask you," I pointed out.   
"Does it look like I care?" He countered, pulling a face that said he very much did not care if I had asked him or not. My heart constricted again and I was hit with the realisation that I hadn't laughed like this before I met Eren. I was genuinely happy. 

"You okay?" He asked now, looking at me warily. I nodded."You just zoned out on me for a little bit."   
"Sorry." I smiled, not wanting him to worry. I had nearly finished my meal but I didn't feel like I could eat the rest without my stomach turing into a washing machine.   
"It's okay." He ate the last of the burger and wiped his hands.  
"Can we stay in tonight?" I asked, not feeling like going anywhere special all of a sudden." If we pick up some ingredients then we can cross something off the list while we are inside. We don't have to go out."   
I didn't tell him the reason I didn't want to go out was the pains shooting all throughout my body. 

"Sure, anything you want. We can go whenever you are ready." Eren smiled, his happiness flowing into me."Are you planning on cooking something?"  
"Yeah." I drank the rest of my water before standing up and putting some money on the table to cover the meal. "But you have to guess what it is.Lets go."  
Eren smiled, holding his arm out. I took it and he led me to the car. I couldn't ignore how good it felt to have others staring at us as Eren's arm was wrapped with my own showing that we were connected to.one another. They didn't know how, but that didn't matter. 

Eren drove this time, taking us to the nearest grocery store. We talked about anime the whole way and as we walked into the store we were still discussing what characters were the best.  
"Kankei, was so cute in human form." Eren said, walking backwards so he could look at me. "Then he had to go and get ghoulified and turn all psycho."  
"He didn't really have a choice, Eren."   
"Uh, hello? He was pussy whipped. He wanted a girl so badly-" Eren backed into the edge of a shelf and tripped with a shout. His arm had swept some of the contents off the shelf and onto him where he lay on the floor."well...that happened."

I tried to contain my amusement but when he tried to stand up and another bag of flour landed on him and he fell back down with a curse and I burst out into a fit of laughter. 

I went to help him get up and replace the flour onto the shelf. I held my hands, covered in white, out in front of me and Eren just moved to put his stomach on my palms, leaving two white handprints on his green shirt. 

"I'll be right back." Eren walked down another isle and returned after a few seconds with a trolley. He gestured for me to get in,"Your carriage awaits." 

I just shook my head with a roll of my eyes and climbed in. Eren took hold of the handle and strolled us through the isles. I would tell Eren what to get off the shelf and he would drop it ontop of me. 

"Ow" I cried out as a can of caramel hit my skull."Eren!"  
"Sorry." He turned to pat my head. I smacked his hand away grumpily. I inspected the current collection of things around me. I think that was it. 

"Hey, can we buy this?" Eren asked loudly from a few feet away. 

I looked up to see that 'this' was about a gallon of lube. Eren held it up proudly and mouthed 'play along'. I glanced around us and saw that there was a few people close by that were unabashedly staring at the tall boy with lube and the short boy in a trolley. I decided to give them a show. 

I held up the can of caramel. "Babe, I don't know how well lube mixes with caramel." I made sure to make my voice a little louder than normal. 

"Well even without the caramel...we are probably gonna need about this much anyways," Eren continued, faking thoughtfulness."Orgies can take a little while."   
"True." I hummed a little."okay." 

There was a snicker from behind us and we turned to see an elderly woman. She gave us a wink and told us to'have fun'. We held in our laughter until she got to a different isle and then Eren and I lost it. We laughed hard until we were both gasping for air, stomachs cramping painfully as we made our way to the checkout. Without the lube. 

"That was too funny." Eren breathed, wiping his eyes and still chuckling a little. He was sitting in the drivers seat by my side and leaned his head back in the chair."I didn't think you would play along."  
"I'm full of surprises," I said, putting on my seatbelt. 

The sun had only just set, the sky a purplish blue as we drove to a hotel. The city was full of skyscrapers and shopping malls. Usually I would feel nervous and worried about how far from the hospital we were but I wasn't. I felt safe. 

"Hey, Eren?" I got his attention by speaking quietly.   
"Yes, Levi?"  
"Can we share a room at this hotel too?" I felt silly for asking but what did I have to lose?  
"If you want to." He confirmed."why's that?"   
I loved that Eren was never judgmental, I could tell him anything and he would take it with a smile. He was always looking on the bright side.   
"I sleep better when you're there." I admitted, peeking over to see his reaction.   
He smiled a fond half smile, meeting my eyes for a second before moving them back to the road. The street lights casted strange glows on his eyes and changed their colour for a moment until we passed and the light was gone. 

We reached the hotel ten minutes later and Eren asked me to go and check in while he parked the car and got the bags. I just nodded and went into the lobby.

"Hello. How may I help you, sir?" A sweet looking blonde girl asked happily from behind the counter.   
"I'd like to rent an apartment suite, one with a small kitchen and a big bed."   
"Sure thing." 

A few minutes later and I was booked into a large appartment suite. I sat down and waited for Eren on the hard lobby couch. I was looking at the floor, judging its cleanliness, when hands went over my eyes.   
"Guess who." A familiar voice breathed in my ear.   
"Hmmm...an annoying brat?"   
"Nope." He let go of my eyes and came to stand infront of me."It's Eren."   
"That's what I said."   
"Rude." Eren got our bags and asked where our room was.   
"It's on the second highest floor"   
Eren took a deep breath."okay, let's go." 

He wheeled the bags to the elevator and pressed the button. He began to sweat, wiping his hands and forehead. I watched as his movements became jittery and he couldn't stand still due to his fear. 

"Eren, take the stairs." I said, before the elevator arrived.   
"No, you can't-"  
"I'll take the elevator and meet you up there." I told him."go. Its better than this."   
"Ill be up there as soon as you get there." He promised and ran to the stair well right as the doors for the elevator opened. 

I wondered how he would possibly get there before the elevator but I just tugged the bags into the space and pressed the button for the floor. 

 

A loud ding sounded and I got out of the elevator, dragging the bags behind me. I looked up and saw Eren standing against the door of our room, arms crossed and no visible signs of tiredness from running up almost twelve flights of stairs. 

"How-?"  
"I work in a hospital, a second could mean the difference between life and death."   
I guessed that made sense. Eren would always be running around the hospital. 

We made it inside the apartment and I dumped the suitcases.   
"This is huge." He breathed, like a little kid in a toy store.

The apartment suit was large and modern looking. Wood floors and white walls, hanging fixtures and a large tv in the lounge area. The bed was much larger than a king size and the kitchen was stocked with equipment which was good. The bathroom was to the side, with a giant tub, a two person shower and a technological toilet system. 

"With that bed...maybe we should have gotten that gallon of lube." Eren joked, taking the grocery bag into the kitchen and setting it in the fridge.   
"You wish." I said with a smirk, covering the fact that my mind had just been invaded by endless lewd thoughts. I wish, I thought to myself.


	9. Chapter 9

I changed into a old shirt, plain grey, and tied a bandanna around my head. As I was changing I couldn't help but notice in the mirror how much thinner I was. I had always been slim but now...I was skinny. My muscles were still defined and hard thanks to my good genes but now there was a lot more definition to my bones aswell. My ribs were sharply visible, shoulderblades protruding. I frowned and tugged on my shirt. My body was beginning to give up on me, but I would refuse to let it get to me. 

I walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.   
"Let's get started shall we?" I suggested to Eren who was sitting on the island counter with a packet of MnMs raised to his mouth. He stopped during the packet into the Blackpool which was his mouth and looked at me the way a puppy might if they chewed up your shoes.

I snatched the almost empty packet away from his grubby fingers and threw it into the sink, giving him an unimpressed look.  
"Sorry." He murmured around his mouthful of brightly coloured candy. 

"Okay..I'll get started."I placed some things in a bowl, biscuits and some butter, before instructing Eren to crush it all with a spoon.  
"Why did you chose this recipe?" He asked me now that he had swallowed all the chocolate .  
"Because I always love the one my grandmother made me." I said as I mixed some wet ingredients together in a bowl."But then she passed away and my parents never let me make it again." 

Eren looked over at me with a sad smile."I'm glad you can make it now then."   
"Me too." I agreed. Eren slid over to where I was working and dipped a finger in.  
"Get out of it, brat!" I slapped his hand away with a scowl. Eren danced away and chuckled as he sucked the caramel cream filling off his finger. I shookmy head at him and turned back around. Then he slipped back over and dipped a second finger in, I opened my mouth to protest and he popped it into my mouth. 

I stood shocked for a few moments, thinking off all the germs on Eren's finger, before deciding I didn't care and sucked it clean of the sweet mix. I ran my tongue on the underside of his finger and Eren made a strange sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a groan.

I pulled back, releasing Eren's finger and giving him a questioning look. "What was that?" I asked Eren when his cheeks flushed bright red and he turned back around to his bowl.  
"I-I-it felt strange." Eren stammered."that's all."  
"Alright then." I dismissed it, knowing that there was more than it 'feeling strange' but not wanting to press further."Can you press that into the tin? Its going to be the base."   
"Y-yeah sure." Eren moved and placed the biscuit mix into the circular baking tin, pressing it firmly down. 

I brought over the filling and dolloped it onto the base, spreading it around until it was level. When It was done I carried the tray to the fridge and placed it inside. I walked back to the counter and began to tidy up the equipment. I sat upon the counter and started licking the spatula clean. It was sweet and rich, I made a pleased sound.

I found Eren staring at my mouth, eyes never drifting. I licked a long slow stripe on the spatula and I saw him swallow. I decided to give him a little tease, it was clear where his mind was at the moment. 

I licked the very top of the spatula a few times, closing my eyes and humming with the delicious sweetness of it. I slowly put the whole thing into my mouth, locking gazes with Eren as I did so. His pupils were blown wide and I pulled the now clean utensil from my lips and tossed it into the sink with a suggestive wink to Eren. Sometimes I just couldn't help myself. He snapped his gaze away from mine and muttered something about having a shower. 

I went to the stereo and plugged my phone in as the water started. I pumped one of my beloved songs and swayed my hips as I cleaned. I knew how to be sexy if I wanted to. I may be 'sick' but that didn't mean sexually inept.

I noticed my shirt had caramel on it, so I removed it swiftly and placed it on the bench before continuing to tidy up the kitchen, wiping down benches and putting away the washed and dried dishes. 

Once I was finished I stretched out on the couch, arms behind my head, and allowed my eyes to slip closed as I listened to my music. I was exhausted. A small spark of worry ignited in my stomach at the small signs of my sickness slowly becoming more prominent. I needed a distraction. 

"Levi, when is-" Erens voice trailed off and I popped my eyes open to see him staring wide eyed in nothing but a towel. My body suddenly reacted very strongly to the sight and I was glad my pants were tight."you...ah-why are you l-looking at me like that?" 

"Unless you want to be without a towel and underneath me on that bed," I warned in a low voice."Then I suggest you stop staring and go get some clothes on."   
He didn't move. Slowly I got up, standing and walking to the stereo and turning up the next song as it came on. Something about Eren's eyes on me made me extremely needy for a certain kind of loving. 

"Eren?" I asked, walking closer. I gave him a chance to walk away but when he didn't move I slowly reached my hands up and around his neck. "Is this your answer? Oh..and it doesn't have to be me on top. I'm good either way." I whispered to him.  
His eyes scanned my body and he just swallowed hard, not denying or confirming.   
"I j-just wanted to know I-if I could have s-some of that c-cheesecake." He stammered with a small laugh that did nothing to hide his obvious arousal. 

I sighed and nodded, letting my arms fall from his neck. "Just let it set for a while unless you want it to be runny." I walked to the bathroom and closed the door, locking it, needing this time for myself. 

When I got out half an hour later I was refreshed and in control of my desires again. I dressed in some sweats and a baggy shirt before going into the kitchen and getting myself some dessert. I found that almost half was already gone. I rolled my eyes and wondered where Eren was storing all the food he ate on his body. 

I went and got my notebook then returned to the table to eat my cheesecake. Opening the book, I took a bite of the delicious dessert, it was heavenly sweet and creamy with a crumbling base. I hummed and crossed off 'make the cheesecake once more.' from my list. 

I sighed a little, remembering how I used to run into her flowery kitchen through the back door without a single word of warning.   
" bonjour, nona" I had said with a beaming smile as I washed my hands just like she'd taught me to.   
"Bonjour, levi" she greeted with a sweet voice, coming to kiss my cheek and give me a tight hug."Do your parents know you are here?'  
"No, they do not." I admitted, sitting down onto the ground."please, Nona, do not tell them." I rubbed a bruise on my cheek and she nodded.  
"I will not tell them." She promised in a whisper. "It's our secret." 

I was fourteen when she passed away. She was the only support, or rather escape, that I had when my parents where abusive or abrasive. When she left, she took a big part of me with her, leaving a gaping hole in my heart; One i still hadn't come close to filling. And I just let my stupid desires in the way of the one person who actually cares about me, even if it is only medically. 

"Levi?" Eren's hand waved infront of my eyes and I snapped out of my thoughts.  
"Eren, I'm so sorry." I blurted out."I shouldn't have been so forward before. I promise not to do it again. I don't want you to leave."   
"I wasn't leaving." He chuckled a little before his face turned serious."Why were you crying?"  
"Huh?" I reached up to my face and my fingertips came away wet."oh, I don't know." I said honestly, I had cried for my grandmother many many tears but one day they had stopped coming. I still mourned, but without the meaningless liquid that blurred my sight and made me look a mess.   
"Lets go to bed." I suggested, getting up from the table and putting my half eaten dessert into the sink. I tugged at the ring on my lip with my teeth as I walked to the bed and pulled the sheets back and slipped in. 

I closed my eyes and pulled the sheets up over my head. Eren turned off the lights and made sure everything was locked before coming and laying down next to me.   
"Thankyou, Eren." I whispered.   
"What for?"   
"For this trip, for being an amazing friend, for putting up with me, for everything." I said to the darkness."This means the world to me, even if I don't show it."  
"You don't show it, but I can see it." Eren turned, his body warmth closer now. "I can see it in the little things you do."  
"What do you mean?"   
"Like thismorning with the burger. You ate something you didn't like because I was unhappy. Along with the fact that you smile all the time now. In the shop when we were laughing was the happiest I have ever seen you." Eren quieted for a second before speaking again."That's how I know I'm doing something right."  
"Everything you do is right, Eren." I told him. I felt Eren's weight shift and he came closer to me in the huge bed so we were almost spooning except he was sure to leave a space between our bodies.  
"I don't agree." Eren said sounding a little sad.  
"Why not?"  
"I make stupid decisions, do silly things and feel things I probably shouldn't." He whispered, soft breath tickling my neck.  
I suppressed a shiver. "Well, with me, everything you've done has been right."   
"Even this?" He whispered gently, sliding a hand over my waist and into my own, lacing our fingers together. His hand was so warm and big compared to mine. It made me feel safer and warmer.   
"Even this." I confirmed with a small squeeze of his hand.   
"Good." Was all Eren replied with. It wasn't long before my eyes slipped closed and I began to fall into the dark abyss of sleep. I had dreams of cars, Eren, sunshine and wind tugging at the hair of smiling faces. I dreamt sunny days that turned to starry nights. That friendships blossomed over to something more and lips parted under soft exhales of breath. I dreamt of happiness, and I dreamt of love. 

As soon as I woke the pain set in. My chest was burning and my head felt like I was going to pass out.   
"Eren." I gasped out, chest constricting painfully. He shot upright and looked around, his eyes met mine and he read what was wrong immediately.   
"Try to breathe. I'll be right back." He said quietly, helping me sit up. I let out a strangled cry of pain and Eren was out of the room, in a second, bolting down the stairs and to the car where my medical supplies were. 

I pulled a shallow breath in and it ended with a harsh rattling sound. I coughed, the violent expulsion tearing up my throat, making it raw and sensitive to air. I groaned as my head spun, my fingers cold from lack of oxygen. Worse. I was getting much worse. 

I usually only got like this when it was humid and It was very rarely ever this bad. It was cool today, and I had already gone through this less than two weeks ago. It never happened more than once a month usually. No. It was fine. I was fine. 

I took another painful breath and I gagged, stomach reacting badly. Luckily there was nothing in my stomach, so no mess was made. Eren burst through the door, pushing a large plastic storage container full of equipment and medications. He had not even taken three minutes to get down there, get it out of the car and back up. 

"Here" he said, handing moving expertly to set up a ventilator. He handed me the mask and I smacked it away.   
"No." I protested in a pant."I'm fine."  
"Levi." Eren growled, pushing it towards me. I shook my head, smacking it away again.   
"Put it on." Eren demanded, sounding annoyed. I shook my head and Eren looked livid.  
"look, I know that the mask is what makes it seem real and that you want to pretend that this thing isn't here. But Please, Levi, just put it on." He begged. I did. There was something in the way Eren was panicking that made me give in and slip it on, taking a deep breath of the dry, oxygenated air.


	10. Chapter 10

"Thanks." I said from my place in the bed once Eren had packed all the equipment away and put the container into the corner. I had been on the ventilator for an hour before my lungs settled down enough to turn it off. 

"No need to thank me." Eren said with a smile, standing by the dresser on the far side of the room. I stood up and slowly came over to him. I just felt better when he was closer.   
"You good?" He asked me. I nodded and looked down at my feet.   
"I know it's hard." Eren said softly, putting a hand on my shoulder."But it'll be okay."   
"It won't." I said flatly.   
"It will, so shut up." He argued. "Now let's go shopping."   
I looked up at him at the sudden change of topic."What?"  
"Well you can't wear jeans and a shirt to the rave can you?" He smirked at me before walking away to go get dressed. I smiled a little and went to shower. 

"So what sort of thing are you planning to wear?" Eren asked as we entered a shop that looked promising. It was filled with tight looking clothes ranging from latex to leather beaten so thin that it was flexible. 

"Secret" I said, walking down to the back of the shop. Eren didn't follow, he was already looking through a rack at the front of the shop. I picked up a pair of skin tight white pants, some brown straps and a white cravat. I would be shirtless, I decided. I looked to the footwear section and took some knee High boots, making sure they had a heel. 

I strolled to the counter and paid for the items, getting them bagged before turning away and finding Eren. I walked to the area where I saw him last and found him leaned against a shelf, a tall man with piercings and heavy eyeliner was standing quiet close to him.   
"I think leather would look perfect." The man drawled. I picked up a pair of pants and a shirt that I knew would look perfect on Eren and cleared my throat menacingly. 

"Excuse me," I said stonly, holding up the clothing "But we do not require your assistance."   
"Buzz off shorty." The man spat before switching his attention back to Eren who looked extremely uncomfortable and tried to wriggle away, only to be stopped by the man's hand on his chest.   
"Let me go." Eren said sternly. The man laughed and leaned into his face.Leave me alone." Eren growled, gritting his teeth and turning his head to the side.   
I pushed my goods onto the shelf and moved towards the man. I seized him up by the collar and pushed him into a different rack of clothing, he grunted as he hit his head on the wall.   
"You heard him. Leave him alone." I let the man go, his face a mask of embarrassment and anger from being man handled by a guy almost half his height. He reached to shove me backwards but I just caught his hand and bent his wrist until he was on the ground and begging for me to let go. 

"Levi..." Eren said warily, thinking I should let him go before I broke his wrist. I let go, stepping on his fingers deliberately as I turned and brought Eren's clothing to the counter and paid for it.

"Eren, do you know how to fight?" I asked him as we left the shop. He nodded.   
"Yeah, I'm quite good at it actually." He added.   
I frowned at him."Then why didn't you stick up for yourself?"  
"Because I hate violence." He murmured from beside me."I have to see the aftermath of it everyday in the hospital and I hate it."  
"Oh." Was all I could say. That made perfect sense now. Eren fell silent beside me fora long while after that. 

We were arriving at the car when Eren finally spoke from beside me.   
"Thankyou."  
"No need to thank me." I said to him, meeting his eyes for a second before looking away. This time I spoke it was a little quieter. "what are friends for?"   
"Friends." Eren nodded to himself.  
"Yeah." I gave him a questioning look and got into the car. Why did he feel the need to repeat that? 

Eren and I spent the rest of the day relaxing and watching anime so we would be energized for that night. We got through a full season and a half of black butler before we had to get ready. I turned on some music, say we can fly came on shuffle and I shrugged before heading into the bathroom to shower. 

I lathered soap all over my body and shampood my hair. I loved the feel of water running over my skin, savouring the cleansing and relaxing feel of the liquid caressing gently down over my skin and body. I reached up to wash the suds from my hair and heard the bathroom door open behind my back. 

"Eren?" I asked, not turning around. I didn't mind him seeing me naked but this wasn't the way I had envisioned it.

"Oh, I-ah...I'm sorry." He stammered from behind me before the door quickly clicked shut. Eren spoke again his voice was muffled and I knew he as outside the bathroom.  
"I didn't know you were in there. I'm sorry." He apologised.   
"Its fine, brat." I called."what did you want?"   
"A shower."   
"Well...if you wanted to, you could come in here with me." I suggested with a laugh."Otherwise you'll just have to wait"   
Eren didn't reply for a few moments and I wondered what he was thinking about. 

"I'll j-just use the other bathroom." He said timidly and then I heard his footsteps walking away on the hardwood flooring. I rolled my eyes at his innocence and finished showering. I struggled into my jeans, it took alot of elbow grease to get those things on, but once I zipped them up and did a turn in the mirror I knew it was worth it.   
I slipped the cravat sound my thin neck and tied it expertly before finally buckling up the straps that wound around my thighs, shoulders and chest before putting on my boots and strutting out into the hall. 

When Eren wasn't there waiting I went to the door of his bathroom to see if he was out of the shower yet. I was about to call out through the door when I heard a faint whimper followed by a small whine. I got worried and went to knock on the door when I heard a moan, cut short as if trying to be quiet. Something about that sound made my whole body feel as though it was on fire and I needed to be in that water with Eren to be put out. It took everything I had to pull myself away from the door.

I had made a promise last night to not be like that with Eren again. I was not to be sexually forward. Barging into his bathroom and ravishing him was definitely crossing that line. 

I was smudging some eyeliner around my steely-blue eyes, making them seem bluer, when Eren came into the room. His cheeks still held a small pink tinge and he was dressed in what I had picked out. 

The mesh shirt I had picked showed the curves of his toned abs and the leather sleeves strained around his biceps deliciously. The leather pants provided a tantalisingly sinful image paired with some leather boots.   
"Hot." I commented asI looked his reflection over in the mirror I was currently at.   
"I actually like it." He admitted looking down selfconciously."But it's very revealing."   
"Yours is revealing?" I asked with a laugh, gesturing down at my practically naked torso. Eren looked at what I was wearing for the first time and laughed.   
"You're right, I should really shut up." He laughed again, cheeks glowing a little brighter."You look good though."   
"Well, gotta look good with all the hot chicks there, right?" I said with a final stroke of eyeliner before declaring that I was finished.   
"Yeah, sure." He shrugged as if he didn't really want to think about it."I guess."

We walked to the club and I was glad it was nice out or I'd have been freezing. Eren was becoming more comfortable and confident as we got closer to the club. I heard the pumping music and got excited, grabbing Eren by the wrist and tugging him faster.  
"Come on, I want to get in." I whined, pulling on him as he was still walking slowly.  
"Calm down speed racer." Eren joked as we went to line up.  
"Hey, Eren, Levi." A bouncer called to us as we made our way to the back of the line.   
I looked up to see the tattooed man from yesterday calling us over.   
"I'm Jean," He said to us as we aproached."Armin told me to let you guys in first if you turned up. He's performing tonight."  
"Performing?" Eren asked with a frown.   
"He's a cage dancer and a stripper" jean said with a wink."I'm a lucky guy." 

He let us pass and shushed the people who booed us. As soon as we passed through the doors the noise was incredible, lights flashing all different colours over the crowds of people dancing, laughing and making out. 

Eren took hold of a strap on my back and told me to lead the way. I went to the very middle of the crowd, Eren was pressed against me and about seven other bodies were touching mine also. We were all swaying with the music, swiveling hips, hands roaming, voices singing out. It was times like this that I felt normal and alive.   
With music around me and people against me who weren't thinking about my sickness and in turn it eased my own worries. 

A while later I opened my eyes to catch Eren staring as I ran my hands through my own hair, rotating my hips. I shot him a wink and he smiled mischievously as many hands ran along his body. 

He pulled me to the bar and ordered us a drink each. "You look like you are having a great time." Eren pointed out as we drank.   
"I am." I took a long draw of the drink and put the empty glass down."Are you?"  
"Hell yes." He downed his drink and we both looked over to see the stage light up and the music died down some. 

"Okay dancers!" Armin came out on stage in fishnets and booty shorts that were barely there, his chest covered with a tight leather vest."You know the drill. Pick one lucky someone to come up in the cage." 

There was about five minutes of messing around before there were four people, two girls and two guys, up on stage. Eren being one of them. I refused to go up when the crowd tried to make me so they went with Eren instead. 

Armin was to pick one person to go in the cage with him. Obviously he picked Eren and I couldnt help but feel a little jealous that Armin was the one with him in that small space. Eren could see around so he wouldn't get claustrophobic which was good but I still didn't like it. 

Armin climbed into the cage and the music started up again, lights flashing. Armins duty as a cage dancer was to arouse excitement and to entertain to crowd. He did just that by bending over, shaking his booty with innocent eyes and poking out his pierced tongue. 

The crowd cheered when he took off his vest, using it to tie Eren in place. I could see Eren laughing as he was doing it, he was having fun at least. 

I had stopped dancing ,standing in the outskirts to watch what was happening up in the cage. 

Armin danced around the cage, lifting himself on the bars, wrapping his legs around them, doing all the moves that got the crowd cheering and whistling over the music. It looked good and Eren was smiling and laughing brightly at the situation.   
A jealousy sparked in me when Armin turned and backed into Eren, both his small arms gripping the bars either side of the cage before wiggling and gyrating his hips into Eren's crotch. 

The crowd cheered and whistled loudly as my cheeks heated. This was stupid. I shouldn't be so jealous. Eren was just my nurse, a friend at most. What all those small things mean though? Like the way he babbled about how amazing I was in the car, the way he let me approach him with promises of sex when he was in nothing but a towel, or the way he had slipped his hand into mine as we fall asleep together. 

I had no idea about what it all meant. What I did know, however, is that when the song 'can't keep my hands to myself' pumped through the speakers I wanted to smash the sound system and take Eren out of reach of all these filthy dancers.


	11. Chapter 11

Eren jumped off stage and came to find me at the bar, ordering another drink before turning to face me.   
"Want to dance?" He asked with a grin. I could tell by his attitude that the alcohol was beginning to effect him.   
"Armin's free." I muttered."why don't you go dance with him. You looked pretty excited up there."   
Stop being pathetic! I scolded myself.   
"I wasn't 'excited'" he giggled, taking a mouthful of his drink.   
"Really?" I challenged."Is that so?" 

My eyes went wide as Eren suddenly took my hand and pressed it to his groin.   
"Do I feel 'excited' to you?" He asked with a laugh before letting my hand go. He was a drunk, I knew that for sure now, but he didn't feel excited."I don't want Armin. So can we please dance?"   
"What if I say no?" I asked stubbornly.  
Eren shrugged and threw me over his shoulder. I cried out and smacked his back which only earned me a crisp slap on the ass that made my already tight pants a little tighter. 

Eren caried me through the crowds until we were by a wall, less people here but the music was really loud. He placed me down and started dancing as we had before. The music found its way into my body and I slipped back into the state of peace I was in earlier. 

Hands were on my hips, pulling me back. I opened my eyes to see Eren behind me, eyes lustful, hands firm.  
"You okay there Eren?" I questioned a, small nervous laugh escaping my lips. I wasn't meant to be doing this, I had promised I wouldn't be so forward. 

"No. I'm not okay actually." He frowned.   
"What's wrong?"   
Eren then pulled my back flush against his front and leaned forward to whisper in my ear.   
"You have teased me since yesterday: first the finger, then the spatula, when you were spread out on the couch and the words after... " He growled."...then thismorning in the shower. Fuck, I wanted you so badly "   
My resolve was melting away like ice-cream in the sun. I turned around and met his half lidded eyes with a steady gaze.   
"Is that why you were in the shower so long?" I questioned, running my hands up his arms and back down before brining his hands up to my bare stomach. His lips parted and I tilted my head up, daring him, drawing him, silently willing him to move in.   
I wasn't sure exactly what was going on or if I would regret this in the morning but I was too absorbed by the fact that he was touching me back in the same way I wanted to touch him.   
"Maybe." He teased, leaning closer but not letting our lips meet, slipping his hands under the straps across my chest."go for it." Eren whispered, eyes telling me exactly what he wanted.

I slid my hands up his chest and and wound them into his hair, tugging him down to bring our lips together. 

All the sexual tension of the last few days exploded and heated the kiss. Eren pulled me against him, bodies flush together, the music raging around us, lights flashing as erratically as my heartbeat. 

I broke off the kiss, needing air. I swallow hard, chest rising and falling fast. Eren smiled sexily and pulled me against him, swaying his hips and letting his hands roam as we began to dance once again. Soon I was getting a little too flustered by Eren to continue dancing.   
"Let's get out of here." I said loudly over the music, detaching myself from Eren and pointing to the door. Eren nodded and followed me out. Jean nodded at us with a wink as we crossed the road. 

"Levi, I think I'm gay." Eren said innocently, swinging his arms as he walked along the footpath.   
"You do?" I questioned. Eren giggled for second, then he smiled mischievously and disappeared behind an alleyway wall. I sighed and headed towards the alley."Eren what are you-"

I was pulled behind the wall and suddenly pressed against it, Eren's mouth covering mine. I groaned into the kiss when Eren slid his tongue erotically along my bottom lip and into my mouth. I imagined where else that tongue would feel good and gripped his hips tightly. He made a small sound and I took control of the kiss, my tongue massaging his as I reached to cup his ass roughly.   
Suddenly I remembered where we were and broke It off.  
"Apartment." I said, grabbing Eren by the shirt and dragging him behind me as we walked the short distance to the hotel.

We reached the elevator and Eren just got in with me.   
"Your claustrophobia-"  
"Just kiss me, Levi." He breathed, pulling me against him. Our bodies and lips collided with fevor. Too soon the lift came to a halt and we tumbled out of the box. 

"Where's the key card?" I asked, looking at Eren. He pulled it from the side of his boot and unlocked the door, swinging It open wide. I rushed inside, slipping off my boots as Eren closed and locked the door. 

I walked over to Eren and pressed him against the wall. There was something at the back of my mind gnawing at me, a small doubt, as if this was wrong. Suddenly Eren's mouth molded deliciously with mine, forcing my desires to come through my alcoholic daze in full force. Eren gave all of himself to the kiss, hands tearing the leather straps from my shoulders.

I leaned up to suck at Eren's neck, biting and marking him gently. He was panting and pink cheeked as I pressed a hot kiss to his lips. He ran his nails along my back and I growled deep in my throat. 

My hand snaked down to Eren's crotch and palmed him through those thin leather pants. He groaned loudly and rolled his hips desperately into my hand.   
"Excited now, brat?" I asked, close to his ear. Eren nodded helplessly and I dragged him to the bed, laying him down and knealing between his legs.   
I looked at the boy on the bed infront of me, shirt riding up, eyes bright, cheeks flushed. Did l really want to take advantage of him while he was drunk? No.   
"Don't stop, Levi." He whined, sitting up to capture my lips for a heated moment."You can't leave me like this"   
"You're a virgin." I countered."you don't even know what-"  
"Please." He begged, eyes wide and pleading. I saw the unrelenting bulge in his pants and knew he needed some sort of relief. I would give him that, but I wouldn't take anything from him. I reached down and rid him of his shirt.

"Lie back, brat." I ordered. He did, watching me with curious eyes as I peeled his pants off, they were like a second skin. He shuddered and bit his lip as the cool air hit his exposed cock. 

I wrapped my fingers around him, sliding my hand up and down his length, heart pounding. Eren was mewling and panting already. I loved that it was me who made him this way. 

I leaned down, placing on hand on his hipbone to stop him from choking me as I took him into my mouth in one swift movement. Eren let out the sexiest sound I had ever heard, fisting his hands into my hair and panting. He was murmuring a string of nothingness and I decided to give him something to talk about. I would make him say my name. 

I ran my tongue slowly up Erens shaft, licking circles around the tip, tasting the bitter beads of his precum, before slowly taking him into my mouth the way I had done with the spatula. Eren's breathing caught for a moment when I ran my hands over his chest as I began to bob my head. Eren whimpered my name. It was an amazing sound but it wasn't quite enough. I pulled off Eren with a pop and moved lower, flicking a teasing lick over his entrance. Eren gasped and looked down to me with lust filled eyes. I circled the small pink muscle with my tongue until Eren was squirming with want and plunged my tongue inside him at the same time I gave a strong pump to his cock. 

He cried out my name along with a string of curses. My own cock was aching with need now but I ignored it and focused on pleasuring Eren. 

"Nnggghhhh, L-Levi," Eren moaned and fisted his hands into the bed sheets as I kept up the rythm with my tongue and hand. With my free hand I reached up to rub one of his hard nipples. I sped up my motions, forcing my tongue deeper inside Eren. He spoke with a shaky voice, breathing uneven. "I-I'm- ahh" he came with a cry of pure ecstasy, arching his back and moaning my name over and over until he was spent. I took the cavat from around my neck and cleaned him up before throwing it into the bin. 

I looked to see Eren staring at me with his naked body still stretched out on the bed. I got up and threw him a pair of boxers which he put on with a lazy smile.   
"Come lay down with me." He drawled, stretching out sexily.   
"Go to sleep, brat." I told him, flicking off the bedroom light and moving to the loungeroom. I slept there.

I didn't want to tempt myself with him right there. After a few hours of trying to control my thoughts of what had just happened I was able to doze off. My alcohol induced thoughts were a force to be reasoned with but Eventually sleep won out. 

I woke up the next morning in desperate need of a shower. I tried to remember why I was sleeping on the lounge in my clothes from last night, and where my cravat was. I made my way to the bathroom and heard Eren in the kitchen, messing around with some pans. 

I was hit with an overwhelming sense of guilt as soon as the door closed and I remembered everything that had happened last night.

I didn't want to take anything from him but as I stood there I realised that I HAD taken something from him. He was my nurse. He was a virgin. He had probably never done anything like that before and now I had taken that experience away from him. Not to mention that it was under the influence of alcohol. I was a rapist.

I was shaking with anxiety. What would he do when he saw me? Would he leave? Would I be back at the hospital? I wouldnt get to complete my list. No. This is all my fault. He'd hate me. He would never speak to me again. He'd refuse to be my nurse. He'd never look at me, sit with me or eat lunch with me ever again. 

I stood up and turned on the cold water for the bathtub, sitting in it with my clothes still on as it filled. I needed to try and wash the heat from my body that was from Eren. I couldn't have it. It made me feel warm and safe and secure. All things I didnt deserve. I had left mark on the boy out there in a lust crazed state of intoxication.  
How could I have done such a thing? 

"Fuck!" I slammed my fist into the wall, causing a loud crack and resulting in a noticeable dent in the wooden panelling.  
I wrenched the tap off and sat there dejectedly there as my whole world swayed in the balance; Ready to tip and shatter at any moment because of my own stupid decisions. My eyes welled with tears as I thought of eren leaving me. He was all I had, I didn't want to lose him.


	12. Chapter 12

There was a light knock at the bathroom door and I just sobbed silently because I knew this would be the moment it would all fall down.   
"Levi?" Eren called through the door, sounding concerned."Are you alright?" 

"I-I..."   
Was I alright? No. Could I tell him that? No. "I don't-" I broke off with a another sob. 

Eren slowly opened the door and stepped in. He was shirtless and in the same boxers he had out on last night. His hair was in disarray and there were dark hickies dotting his neck . "Levi, what are you doing in the bath?" 

"Oh, Eren." I felt more tears run down my face at the sight if him. "I'm so, so sorry." My voice was broken and quiet.   
Eren frowned and came to sit by the tub.   
"Why are you apologizing?" He asked softly, eyes worried.   
"I-I took advantage of you last night..." I wiped my eyes and stared down at myself."Now you are going to leave and it's all my fault."   
Eren looked away and frowned. "Took advantage of me?"   
"You were drunk." I stared down at my shaking hands.  
Eren stood up and came to sit in the spa tub with me, right by my side. 

"I may have been drinking." Eren said now, reaching down to take my hand under the water. "But that doesn't mean I wasn't able to stop if I had wanted to."   
I had been expecting him to say something about regretting it so when he didn't, It took a second to click.   
"Wait, what?" I looked over at him and my eyes were drawn back to those dark hickeys.  
"How else do I have to say it?" Eren laughed lightly."Last night was...well I don't think I have to explain. But you acting like this makes me think that you regret it." 

"No, I don't regret it." I said quickly. I didn't regret what had happened. Not one bit."I do regret that your first experfence was when you were drunk and with someone who is going to d-" Eren placed a hand over my mouth to cut me off.   
"Don't say it. Don't you fucking dare." Eren's tone was serious."You are living and you will continue to live. That's all there is to it." 

Eren got out of the bath and tied a towel around him before slipping off his now wet underwear. He stood me up, and helped me from the bath with gentle hands, I was shivering from sitting in the cold water for so long. 

Eren knelt down to unclip the straps from my thighs and waist before putting them aside. I watched as he fearlessly undid the button and zipper of my pants before pulling them off and handing me a towel so I could strip off my boxers without revealing everything.   
"Thankyou." I said as he left the bathroom.  
"no need." Eren replied, turning and giving me a wink before heading into the kitchen in nothing but the towel. 

 

What did this mean for us? Would we stay friends and just go back to normal or would we be something more? I decided that I had nothing to lose by asking Eren and so I stripped off and wrapped the towel around my hips.   
"Eren," I called out, crossing the apartment, bare feet silent on the wooden floors."Can I ask you some-?"

The table was set with two plates and two Starbucks coffee cups. There was cream and strawberries oozing out from beneath perfectly golden, chocolate drizzled crepes.   
"Eren...you did this?" I questioned, gazing down at the food.   
"Yeah, I sort of knew that you would be a little upset thismorning so I decided to give you a good breakfast." He laughed then and sighed."Just don't look at how many dishes you have to wash up." 

"Brat," I commented despite feeling my heart throb at the kind gesture. He was so sweet.   
"Sit and eat." Eren demanded as he took his seat and dug in. I sat down opposite him and saw that on the coffee cup was written 'shorty'. I shook my head with a smile and took a sip of the vanilla chai latte. I sighed in content at the familiar taste.   
"Promise me that when I go back to hospital that you'll still sneak these in for me like before?" I pleaded wistfully.   
"Of course." He said, popping a strawberry into his mouth."As long as you eat your food too. You can't live off coffee."  
"Fine." I replied before taking a bite of the mouthwatering concoction. 

"What was it you wanted to ask me before?" Eren asked once we had finished the meal and I was sipping at the last of my latte.   
"Ah, nothing it's fine." I said averting my gaze. Something about those marks on Erens neck made me feel guilty."Sorry about those."

Eren reached a hand up to run his fingers over the marks, looking down with a shy smile."Don't be. I quite like them."  
"Really?"   
"Yeah" Eren said with a smile while getting up and taking our empty plates."Maybe next time I could give you some?" He walked into the kitchen and out of sight. There was a sudden and agonizing pain that shot through my chest and I clutched my torso. I coughed for a few seconds, hand coming up to cover my mouth and when I pulled it away there was a fine spray of blood on my fingers. I quickly wiped it into a napkin and threw it in the trash before Eren could see. 

Next time? He wanted a next time? Did that mean he might like me?  
"Earth to Levi?" Eren called out, coming back into the room and breaking me out of my daze.   
"Huh?"   
"I said did you want to get those tattoos done today?" Eren repeated, leaning against the counter casually.

"I would But I don't know what to get." I hadn't put much thought into it before. 

"I have an idea." Eren said after a few moments, then he held up a hand "But you have to trust me. Go get ready and we will go as soon as possible." 

 

"Hey fellas," jean said as we entered the parlor once again."Good to see you two back."

"Hey, Eren. Hey, Levi." Armin bounced into the front room as a customer with a newly ppierced eyebrow walked out."Last night was fun." He giggled, weaving into jeans arms and kissing his cheek. 

"It was," Eren said glancing down to me with a knowing smirk."We are here for tattoos this time."   
"Sure." Jean reached under the desk to pull out a sketch pad and a pencil."What do you have in mind?"   
"Can we do this in private?" Eren asked sweetly."it's a surprise." 

Half an hour later jean came out and dragged me into the back room. This room had a counter that lined the wall topped by a long mirror. There were multiple black chairs like the one in the piercing room and also some that looked like massage tables.   
"I picked something out." Eren said, excitedly from a table. He was lying on his side shirtless and getting something inked along his ribs by a straight faced blonde girl.

I was a little nervous to have something I have never seen inked permantly on my skin. But the fact that Eren was picking it made me excited at the same time. 

"Alright shorty." Jean said, pulling on a pair of black gloves."Sit your ass down and don't look. Your boyfriend wants it to be a surprise." 

"He's not my boyfriend." I stated as I sat down. Jean took my arm, being surprisingly gentle, as he flipped it so that the soft skin of the inside of my arm was facing up and rested it on the arm rest. 

Eren sighed from where he was and I scowled at him. The girl leaned over Eren smirked but continued whatever design she was inking. 

Jean transferred an image onto my arm, whichI wasn't allowed to look at, before starting the needle. When he first set it to my arm I grimaced. But after a little bit it was less than bad and could tolerate it easily. 

After almost two hours Eren had his side wrapped in clear film and was waiting for jean to finish on my arm.   
"I hope you don't hate it." Eren said with s nervous laugh." 'cause that would suck. Like...a lot." 

"And...." jean wiped a piece of paper towel over my arm."Done. I'll just wrap it and you're good to go." Jean went to go and get the clear film. 

"Can I look yet?" I asked, looking no where but at Eren.   
"Not yet." Eren said with a smirk."not until you see mine too."  
I watched impassively as jean wrapped my arm. Once that was done we paid and Eren suggested to go out for lunch.

"Where to?" I asked, climbing behind the wheel of his porsche.   
"How about the rose park gardens?"  
"Its on my list to have a picnic." I said, staring the car."Could we get some food and do that at the rose park gardens?" 

"Yes, of course." Eren said with a kind smile."It's very beautiful there."   
Beautiful. Beauty was before me already. It was beautiful here with Eren. 

"Let's go." Eren said with a smile. I smiled in return and backed out of the parking lot and drove onwards.


	13. Chapter 13

"Truth." Eren chose.   
He was laying on his back in the grass, head resting in my lap,staring up at the clouds. His shirt rode up, showing a small line of his slender and tanned torso. 

"How many people have you dated?" I asked him, wondering who else had cared for this wonderful boy.

"One person." Eren answered calmly, looking up at me through his eyelashes. "My parents wanted me to find a girlfriend so I did. She was upper class and a snob to everyone but me."  
"How did it end?" I asked, genuinely curious.   
"She um...she wanted to take it to the next level." Eren said, blushing."I couldn't bring myself to do it. Something about it just didn't feel right."   
"She didn't take it well?"  
"Well...I sort of told her that unless she grew man parts and lost her boobs then I wasn't interested." Eren laughed innocently, scratching his head."What about you?"  
"Too many to count." I admitted, looking away from Erens eyes."None of which I felt anything for."   
"Oh." Eren nodded slightly." But if you didn't feel anything for them...why date them?"  
"Do you want the honest answer?" I asked him seriously. He nodded without hesitation. 

I looked down at him, for a few moments before speaking.   
"Eren, I'm not a very good person." Eren sat up and looked at me with a frown.  
"What do you mean?" He asked.  
"I used those people, I took what I wanted as a distraction and then tossed them aside when they showed any affection." I admitted, guilt taking over and making my voice drop."I'm not a good person, Eren. I take but never give."   
Eren looked at me for the longest time. He sat across the blanket from me and searched my face with a gently concerned expression.   
"But you try your best to be better," Eren stated."I saw it thismorning in the bathtub. You feared you had taken from me and you were upset."  
"Because you..." I swallowed hard."you are different, Eren."  
"As are you." Eren smiled a heart warming smile. "You don't see it, but you are different from anyone else I have ever met, Levi."   
My heart constricted tightly and I stared at this flawless boy infront of me, wondering how on earth an asshole like me managed to befriend him.  
"Eren?" I questioned uncertainly.   
"Yes, Levi?"   
I swallowed hard and asked "Could I...kiss you?"  
Eren's answering smile was brilliant."If there's one thing you never have to ask permission for, it's that," He laughed and I leaned toward him, reaching to cup his face gently.   
He slipped his eyes closed when I pressed my lips gently to his, softly kissing him. The kiss was sweet, calming and addicting.  
It held none of that lust and desire like last night which was surprising. I had never had a kiss that felt like this; so raw and filled with emotion that my heart was about to beat out of my chest. I broke away from Eren and looked into his eyes. I cared for this boy more than what was probably wise. 

The sun had began to set now. We had been there for hours. Secluded by trees, food by our sides and the sky above us. It was mesmerizing. Eren and I had talked and laughed for hours about everything we could until now. 

"Do you want to go back to the hotel and see your tattoo?" Eren asked with a small smile. I nodded and stood. Eren helped to pack everything up and take it to the car. 

When I got into the car I was a little out of breath but I made sure to hide it. Eren didn't need to worry. It was okay. I was fine. 

"Okay, look at yours' first." Eren said excitedly, perched on the edge of the hotel bed.  
I unraveled the clear film and pulled back the white cloth he had put there to soak up any ink oozing from my skin. 

There, along the length of my right arm was a wing, made of sleek black feathers that were glossy and perfectly done in everyway. It suited me and I loved the look of it against my pale skin.   
"Eren, it's-"  
"Wait!" He cut me off."You have to see mine too." He slid his shirt off over his head and tore into the wraparound his torso before it eventually fell free. 

Wrapping across his ribs on the left side was the twin of my tattoo except white. It was beautiful against his tanned skin, making it glow.   
"They are the wings of freedom." Eren said now, fingers running along my fresh tattoo."You have to fight to be free. Because if you lose, you die. The only way to win is to fight." 

"We match." I breathed."Eren...why did you get that tattoo?"  
"Because I want to stay and make you happy for as long as I can. I want to be your freedom." He said somberly. "But if worse comes to worse and I cannot...I'd never want to forget this trip. So now I have physical proof of these amazing moments with you."

"Eren," I trailed off, unsure of what else I could say. He was getting attached: he was setting himself up for hurt."You shouldn't do this." 

I sat down on the bed and Eren knelt behind me, resting his head on my shoulder.   
"I disagree." He said, turning his head to kiss my neck softly. I shuddered at the touch and I felt Eren smirk against my skin.   
"Can we stop with all this sad talk?" Eren murmured. I nodded and Eren ran his hands up my back, over my spine and shoulders while pressing an open mouthed kiss to my neck. 

My body flushed and I tilted my head with a sigh, allowing him more access to the tender skin there. Eren took advantage of that and sucked hard. I groaned and my eyes slipped closed as my lips parted

"Levi..." he whispered."I don't know how to go about these things."  
"We don't have to go anywhere with it." I stood up and turned around to face him."I won't take from you, Eren."   
"But you deserve something in return for last night." He argued.   
I pressed a kiss to his lips gently. "That's not how these things work." I pushed some hair from his eyes."not this one anyways." 

I walked away to go and shower. I ran the streaming hot water over my body, letting it sink into my muscles and unwind the tension in them. I sighed and sat down in the shower, putting my head in my hands.

What was I doing? What was this thing with Eren? A nurse and a patient could never work. 

"Levi?" Eren knocked on the door. His voice was carrying and I could tell what he wanted.   
"Yes, brat?" I stood up and rubbed some shampoo into my hair.   
"Do you think that I could maybe join you?"  
"If that's what you want." I said with a small smile. He always knew right when I needed him. 

The door clicked open and he closed it swiftly. I heard the rustle of fabric and the cold air as the shower door was slid open before it closed again. I rinsed my hair with my back to him before turing to face him for the first time. 

His eyes scanned over my body, taking every little detail before eventually dropping down further. His cheeks flamed and he looked back to my eyes. I tugged him under the stream, watching as the water ran over every curve, every dimple and surface before going down the drain.   
"You are so beautiful." I spoke softly and Eren looked to me with a shy smile. 

"Says you," He retorted, running a hand along from my chest down my stomach and to my hipbone. His cheeks were ablaze but he seemed confident enough.   
"I came in here to get clean," I told him."not to get dirty."  
"Boring" Eren fake yawned but took the hint and kept his hands to himself as we washed and dressed. 

 

Eren was laying on the couch watching anime when I came in, two cups in hand. Mine was black tea with no sugar whereas Eren's was hot chocolate with marshmallows. 

"Thanks, Vi," Eren said, taking the steaming mug from me. I noted the nickname.   
"Vi?" I questioned, sitting down on the floor as Eren was stretched out on the couch and taking up all the room.   
"Is that no good?" Eren looked a little embarrassed as he took a mouthful of the hot liquid. He hissed as the hot drink burnt his tongue and put the cup down on the coffee table.   
"Careful." I said, placing my own cup down by his."and It is good. I like it. I've just never had a nickname before."   
"Well I have heaps I could call you." He said with a smirk.   
"Such as?"  
"Uhhh...shorty is number one, hottie, cutie with a booty-"  
"I'll just stick to Vi." I chuckled a little and settled in to watch some anime with Eren. 

"Come up here," Eren suggested, pulling the blanket back to reveal his shirtless torso and sweatpants.   
"You are taking up the entire space." I pointed out with a movement of my hand.   
"Just trust me. Come here." Eren pulled at the back of my shirt weakly and I rolled my eyes before getting up.

He instructed and manhandled me until I was laying flat against him, our bodies together, my head on his chest and his bare torso pressed against my clothed one.

Eren was unbelievably warm and I wrapped my arms slowly around his waist, not used to this sort of feeling. I felt like we could stay like this for hours and I would happily oblige. 

He put his soft hands on my back, running them gently over my body slowly, comforting and safe. Eren was holding me. I was being held. 

I couldn't even focus on the anime. Eren's heartbeat and breathing were much more interesting. The steady thumps calmed me, he was real and alive. His breathing was even and deep, he was healthy. I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to him, smelling his sweet scent all over. I pressed a kiss to his chest and I felt his heartbeat pick up for a few moments before calming back down. 

I reached up a hand and pressed it against his stomach, trailing my fingers over the soft tan skin that covered his lean muscles. My ear was pressed to his chest and I heard his breathing catch for second when I slid my hand all the way up his chest and over his nipple before moving back down. 

"Eren," I whispered. Just that whisper sent his heart slamming against his ribcage. He was so responsive.   
"Yes?" He answered normally, as if his body was under his control.   
"Nothing." I said, softly before pressing an open mouthed kiss against his ribs."I just like saying your name."   
Eren's head must have gone to the gutter because there was a warm pressure growing against my thigh. I smirked inwardly.


	14. Chapter 14

"I-I need to get something to drink." Eren said, sliding out from underneath me and quickly heading into the kitchen. I looked to his full cup of hot chocolate and shook my head. 

"You have a full cup in here, brat." I called, sitting up and missing the warmth of Eren's body."It's getting cold I might add."

"Right." Eren came back into the room and sat next to me, taking a sip of his drink. Eren was confusing. One minute he was confident and taking the lead, then other times he was shy and walked away with pink cheeks. 

"Eren, why do you do that?"   
"Do what?" He frowned.  
"Sometimes you are bold and others you are shy."  
"Because sometimes..." he pulled the blanket over us and looked down at his hands."I get scared."   
"How so?"   
"I get scared that i'm not good enough. I have no experience." He paused before continuing."But I also really want to have more of those moments with you."   
"Eren, just relax." I took his hand."You don't need to worry about those things. Don't push yourself. I won't push you and I'm happy even if we never do that stuff. I-I feel more for you than just attraction." I stuttered on the last sentence, having a hard time expressing myself. 

Eren leaned back and wrapped his arms around my waist.   
"Aren't you scared of something?" He asked in quiet voice.   
"Of course." I said looking to his eyes."I'm scared of many things."   
"Anything to do with us?" 

I thought for a moment wether or not I should tell Eren. Then I remembered that if I didn't do it now then the opportunity might not come up again.   
"I get scared at moments like this." I told him, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes.  
"Why?"   
"Because I'm afraid that you will get too attached and that you won't be yourself anymore once I'm gone." I paused and brushed my thumb along his cheekbone."you are more than just a nurse to me now."  
Eren looked lost for a moment, consumed by his own thoughts.   
"Can we please stop with the sad talk?" Eren whispered, his voice weak. I knew what I had said had affected him.

I nodded and he laid back down as we did before. This time when Eren place his hands on me they were firm, as if keeping me there. I moved up a little and his grip tightened and It broke my heart.

"I'm not going anywhere just yet." I promised, raising my head and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.   
"You better not." He said with a frown."I'm not done with you yet."

Eren kissed me softly, though the whole feeling of the exchange changed when his hands slid to my backside and gave a hard squeeze. 

I gasped against Eren's mouth and moved to straddle his hips with my legs. His tongue traced my bottom lip and over the ring there before I deepened the kiss and our tongues met. I could only imagine what Erens' heart was doing but I was sure it was similar to the erratic pounding that mine was performing. 

I leaned down to kiss along Eren's neck and collarbone as his hands made short work of removing my button down. His hands caressed along my skin, causing goosebumps and leaving heat everywhere he touched. I sucked on his collarbone with a groan when his fingers brushed over my sensitive nipples.  
Eren sat up swiftly, pulling me closer on his lap as he claimed my lips hungrily. He kissed me until my head swam and spun, making me breathless. 

"I want to mark you." Eren breathed out in a husky voice, his hands moving over me seductively.   
"You can do whatever you want," I allowed, letting him go. Eren took his time sliding the shirt off my body and pressing open mouthed kisses to my body. He kissed from my jaw,making sure to leave dark bruises on my skin as he moved downwards. I arched my back at a sudden surge of pleasure when Eren placed his mouth on my nipple, flicking the tip of his tongue over the hard bud.  
"Eren," I gasped out." tell me what you want."   
"I want you to sit here and look pretty." He said with a wink before standing up and kneeling on the floor. He pulled me around so that he was kneeling between my legs, hands moving up my inner thighs. 

"What are you-?oh," I gasped when he pressed a hand to my clothed erection and applied pressure, moving his hand back and forth slowly. His eyes filled with lust and then he was pulling off my joggers along with my underwear. Eren kissed a line up my inner thigh and back down again.   
"Eren, stop." I said in a shaking voice as he took hold of my hard member and hovered his face over my crotch.   
"What's wrong?" He asked quietly." I don't really know what I'm doing but I'll give it a shot. "  
"I don't want to take from you." I shook my head and let out a shaky breath.   
"You aren't. I'm giving." He stroked me a few times, causing me to part my lips on an exhale.   
"But-"  
"Shut up, I want to." Eren silenced me by licking up the underside of my cock. I inhaled sharply and grabbed onto the couch cushion. He swirled that teasing tongue of his around the tip before he slowly drew me into his mouth. Little bit by little bit until I was writhing and all consumed by the heat of Erens mouth. 

He began bobbing, suckily lightly. He picked up his pace gradually, getting more and more confident. He sucked hard and licked a long stripe to the tip before repeating the motion. I moaned out his name, fisting my hands in his hair as I was almost pushed off the edge of pleasure. Eren hummed around me and gasped, arching my back.   
"Eren." I moaned loudly, my whole body on fire and alive with hyperactive senses."I'm gonna-" I looked down to see those eyes watching me, wide and filled with hunger. His cheeks were pink and my cock was inside that perfect mouth of his. He sucked hard, cheeks hollowing as he winked at me. 

I came hard, a wave of immense pleasure and relief slammed into me and I saw white for a few moments until I began to come down from the experience. 

I looked at Eren who licked a small amount of white fluid from his lips and swallowed with a small smile. My dick twitched again at the sight and I groaned. I pulled my boxer briefs back on and Eren came to sit beside me. 

I glanced over and saw that he couldn't sit still. He was fidgeting, fixing his shirt and trousers. It was when he cast me a sideways glance, biting his lip and I saw his eyes were filled with need and a sexy hunger. I reached for him, pulling him onto my lap so that he was straddling me this time. 

He immediately claimed my lips hungrily and I knew there was no way he was able to get rid of this feeling by himself. When we broke apart I leaned up to his ear and whispered "Have you ever been fingered, Eren?"   
"Not by anyone but myself." He said with a shy glance down. This kid was going to be the death of me, I swear it."But even then I don't usually do very well." 

"Take them off." I pointed to his pants and he got up to remove them before settling back onto my lap. I ran my Hands over his bare body, down his back and to the firm cheeks of his ass. I massaged them gently and he whimpered, moving himself closer.   
"Suck." I placed three fingers into his mouth and he obeyed. As he sucked I ran a hand down to his shaft, pumping slowly. He moaned around my fingers and tried to get me to speed up my pace by rolling his hips forward. 

I smirked and gripped him tighter, he bit down on my fingers lightly to keep from moaning which I didn't like one bit. I wanted to hear more of those sounds like he made in the shower, or that night after the club.   
"Eren, let me hear you," I said, removing my fingers from his mouth. Moving one finger to his entrance, gently circling the sensitive spot. Erens breathing quickened and he bit his lip again. 

I gently pushed a finger past the tight muscle and Eren's head fell to the crook of my neck, his hands grasping my shoulders. I felt Eren breath out and relax around my finger, I slowly moved it in and out until there was little resistance.   
"Levi," Eren groaned as I eased a second finger in slowly, pumping and stretching."it feels so..different."   
"It will feel better," I said. I moved my fingers in search for that one stop. I curled my fingers towards myself and Eren's nails bit into my skin, his back arching as he cried out in sudden pleasure. That was exactly what I wanted to hear.   
"Vi, again." Eren, pushed back against my fingers, urging me deeper. "please, Levi. I've wanted this for so long."   
I brushed his prostate again and again, making Eren cry out each time until he was shaking and panting, begging me for more. I wouldn't give him more. Not yet. Not now. He would cum like this shortly if I kept it up but I wanted to make him feel extraordinary and satisfied and weak kneed. 

I moved Eren onto his back, sliding my fingers back into his tight hole, abusing his prostate at the same time I took his neglected member into my mouth and deep throated him. He was swearing and sweating, gripping onto me for dear life as I sucked and swallowed around him while speeding up my fingers. 

"Fuck, Levi, oh god, Levi yes!" He cried out body shaking with his powerful orgasm. It lasted longer than usual and I swallowed every drop of his sweet seed. He let me go and panted heavily, closing his eyes, legs still spread with his spent body on full display.   
"I love hearing you say my name." I said to Eren.   
"The feelings are mutual." He said with a wink. We were sweaty and messy and needed showers. But Eren looked in no position to get up and stand in a shower without falling asleep.   
"Come on, we're having a bath." 

Eren groaned but got up and walked to the bathroom anyway, giving me a clear view of his ass as he went. I followed him in and started filling the monstrous bath/spa as he sat on the counter.   
"Hey, Vi?" Eren said cheerfully.   
"Yes, Eren?"  
"I have to tell you something." I turned around and waited for him to say something.   
"What is it?"  
He smiled and answered with "I'm gay."   
"Wow really?" I said, pretending to be shocked."Me too,Now get in the bath." 

He rolled his eyes but stepped into the bath, slowly sitting down until he was seated comfortably, water up to the middle of his stomach. I took off my underwear and joined him in the warm water.


	15. Chapter 15

I woke and stared up at the white ceiling of the hotel room with a worried frown, head thumping and aching badly. My chest burned, I was short of breath already and I was so tired that not even days of sleep could fix it. I was trapped by this stupid disease. It was taking from me as I took from others. I coughed suddenly, my lungs heaving and contracting painfully. 

Usually I was pumped full of painkillers which numbed the pain but it was mornings when I slept in past my medication time or had done physical activity that it was bad. 

Yesterday flooded back into my mind and I looked down to see the tattoo of one wing from the wings of freedom. The other half was on Eren's rib cage which was left uncovered by the sheets next to me. 

He was on his side, face soft in sleep. My heart swelled with affection and fear. There was no way he'd be alright once I was gone. Eren was strong, but death is vicious enough to break any soul. 

His dark hair was all over his eyes so I reached out and gingerly brushed it back, my fingertips brushing his across his flawless skin. I could see the marks on his collarbone were already fading, returning to unblemished skin. 

What is love? I thought to myself. How do you know when you are in love or what it even feels like? My thoughts were cut off when another cough wracked my frame, I raised my hands to my mouth and felt a warm drop of blood land on my palm. I quickly wiped my hand on my boxers with a grimace.   
"Levi?" Eren raised his head, eyes slowly opening. I smiled for him.   
"I-I'm fine," I lied."It's just a normal cough."  
"What are we doing today?" He asked, sitting up and rubbinghis eyes sleepily.  
"I don't have many things left on my list." I stated.

I had made sure to complete all of the ones that required good health first. Like the music festival, the club, tattoo and piercings. I wanted to get the reckless or fun teenagerish parts done first. Now I would start on the appreciative ones. 

The sun sets, the photographs, the nature reserves, the night spent under the stars. This list was made for once I got out of the hospital. It was originally to give me motivation to live once I had beat this thing. Now it's my way of saying goodbye to the world, knowing that I'll lose.

"Can we get a motorbike from somewhere?" I asked.   
"Yeah, we can hire one. But I don't know how to ride." Eren replied.  
"I do." I smiled and got up despite the ache in my chest. "You need jeans, boots and a thick jacket, leather if you have one."  
"Why?"  
"Safety." I answered curtly before pulling on a pair of black jeans, a white shirt and a black lather jacket. I laced up my boots and Eren raked his eyes over me hungrily.   
"You look really good in that." 

I rolled my eyes."Get up you horny brat."   
"I can't help it!" He whined, getting up out of the bed. It occurred to me that he wasn't technically anything more than a friend. Would it be easier on him if we stayed this way? 

He walked past me to his suitcase. He leaned into me and laid a small kiss to my cheek.   
"Are you okay?" He asked, pulling on some jeans.   
"Yeah, I'm fine." I sat down on the bed and waited for Eren to get ready. 

"Don't kill me, Vi." Eren warned, pulling on a shining helmet and sitting behind me on the bike we had just hired out.   
"I won't." I assured him as his arms slid around my waist. 

I pulled back on the throttle, the engine revving a few times before I began to ride. The cars passed by in a blur as I picked up speed. We were going to get some lunch before going out to the country side for the afternoon. 

Soon we arrived at the mall. I parked the bike, flicking the stand down and turning off the engine. I took off my helmet and buckled it to the handlebars before getting off the vehicle. Eren did the same and came over to me.   
"You are good at everything." He commented.   
"That's not true." I said in reply. 

We walked into the mall and after a few minutes Eren slid his hand into mine. His fingers were warm and tightly held mine. I looked up to Eren and he smiled sweetly. I mentally cursed his adorableness and looked ahead.   
"Vi, do you want to go to the cafe to eat and just pick a few things up for if we get hungry later?" Eren asked me as we approached the cafe.   
"Sure." 

We sat down at a table in the cafe after ordering. There wasn't too many people in here, a few tables were occupied but there was a lot spare. Eren and I were talking while eating our sandwiches and sipping at our coffee.  
Sitting down with Eren gave the same vibe as when we were back in the hospital and he would talk to me while I tried to eat. It didn't mind it though, I could just be myself here with Eren and not have to worry about what would come tomorrow. I reached out and took his hand on the table as he spoke. 

"I love the style of manga..." Eren trailed off and looked somewhere behind me as we heard an exaggerated gagging sound and a snicker. He frowned as his cheeks flushed.   
"Vi, I think we have a homophobe."  
Eren whispered as he took a drink of his coffee and looked away. 

What the heck was that all about? I turned to look behind me and saw a skinny boy with an almost bald head sitting with a group of boys. He was smirking at me with a condescending grin.  
"What, faggot?" The bald boy shouted. 

I knew not to retaliate so I just turned back around with a small growl.  
From behind us the boy persisted, "Hey, I asked you a question!" 

Eren met my eyes with thinly concealed frustration. I knew we should go before a fight broke out. I opened my mouth to say just that but then the boy slammed his hands down on the table pushing our plates to the floor. 

"What is wrong with you?" Eren shot at the boy, standing up from his chair. 

"Me? What's wrong with you!? You are the one parading about, proud to receive a dick up your ass." The bald guy shoved Eren, causing him to stumble back a few steps."Sick freak."

Sick freak....what's wrong with you...freak...wrong...

I snapped into a flashback. It was my dad, walking into my bedroom unannounced to see me hand in hand with a boy. 'Sick freak. What is wrong with you?' I still remember the way his slap burned my skin, the heat from it burning hot.

The bald boy kept spitting insults. Eren getting more annoyed by the second. All I could see behind my eyes was the images of my father beating me, cursing at me.  
That was quite enough of that. 

I pushed myself out of my chair loudly, drawing attention to myself and off Eren. I reached and grabbed the bald boy by the neck and spun him before slamming him face down onto the table with a loud crash. I lifted him up before brutally smashing him back into the table. 

"Levi, stop!" Eren grabbed my arm and tried to pull me off. I pushed him away with one hand, lifting the boy with the other. Eren desperately tried to stop me, begging me to put him down.   
"Shut up!" I screamed at him, seeing the shock and hurt clear in his face but not caring one bit. My dad needed to pay. I slammed the boy once more into the table and let him slump down to the ground where he didn't move, only painful groans escaping him. 

There were cries and gasps of surprise throughout the cafe but I just picked up my jacket and took Eren by the wrist before walking out of the cafe and back to the motorbike. Eren tried to pull away but I just gripped him tighter.   
"Levi-"  
"Hurry the fuck up." I snapped, tugging his arm.   
"Levi, stop!" Eren tried to pull away but I gripped him harder still."You are hurting me!"   
Eren ripped his arm from me and looked at me with tears in his eyes. "What has gotten into you?" He cried.

"I-"I broke off, seeing the red marks from my fingers on Erens wrist. "Oh Eren, I'm so sorry." I reached out for him and he pulled away before I could touch him.   
"Just...don't touch me." he said, tears escaping and rushing down his cheeks. He was crying. Eren who was always happy and strong was crying. Because of me. Me. My fault. 

Eren turned and ran into the mall and I knew he was going to check the bald boy over. He was medically trained and had the heart of a saint.   
I sat on the gutter and put my hwas in my hands. 

Eren returned half an hour later, blank faced and sombre.   
"Can you please just take us back to the hotel?" He asked quietly, looking at the ground. 

I looked at Eren for a few moments before nodding slowly. "If that's what you want."   
"It is." He said, pulling on his helmet. 

I climbed onto the bike, starting it up and waiting for Eren to climb on. I expected him to wrap his arms around me, so when I looked back and saw that he was holding onto the strap behind him instead a weight settled in my chest. 

As I rode the bike back to the place we hired it from I found something odd. I realised that I wasn't enjoying the ride. The caress of the wind, the rush of the speed and the feel of the bike under me wasn't appealing in the least. 

We got there and I quickly returned the bike. Eren was already in the car waiting to take us back to the hotel when I got out of the dealer. I sighed and closed my eyes before opening the car door. I fucked up. I fucked up bad. 

I climbed into the car and closed the door with a solid thunk. Eren started the car and backed out of the park. He reached and switched on the stereo, turning it up louder than usual. He skiped the song. And the next one and the next one. Soon he was smashing the buttons with such force that I had to stop him before he broke something. 

"I'm so fucking- just...god dammit!" He slammed his fists on the wheel and then wiped angrily at his eyes.   
"Eren-"  
"No."  
I decided to leave him be while he was driving so I didn't cause any danger. 

As soon as he was parked Eren got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. With a defeated sigh I got out of the car. 

Eren was already gone from sight when I got into the lobby. I headed to the elevator and wondered how I was going to fix this mess I made. I had told him to shut up, I had hurt him both physically and emotionally. 

My chest burned and I coughed a little but I deserved it. I deserved to be hurting. The elevator dinged and I walked out into the hall. The door was locked when I reached it so I took the keycard from my pocket and scanned it. 

I walked through the whole apartment twice and there was no sign of him. I half ran out of the door and into the hallway, looking for any sign of him.   
"Eren?" I shouted. He was nowhere to be seen. Where would he go? I saw him go into the hotel. He wouldn't go into the elevator. He wasn't up here. 

The stairs.  
I went to the door of the stair well and found that it was locked. I knocked on it.   
"Eren?"  
"Go away." His voice was filled with hurt and the crack in his tone led me to believe that he was crying...or trying not to. 

I went to the elevator and took it down to the ground floor. Once the doors opened I rushed to the stair well and thanked god when it was open from this way. I rushed up them, running up almost twelve flights of stairs until I saw Eren sitting against the wall, head on his knees. This was all my fault.


	16. Chapter 16

"Eren..." I went to sit by the bright eyed boy, not getting too close. My chest hurt badly and I was struggling to catch my breath.  
"What do you want?" Eren asked with venom in his words.   
"I-I want to apologize." I said breathlessly."I never meant to hurt you, Eren."   
"You almost killed that boy." He whispered.  
"I know. I couldn't stop. I wasn't myself." I admitted, guilt taking its place in my stomach."Something in me snapped. He said something my father once said. It triggered me. I didn't mean to hurt him. Or you." 

It was dim in the stair well, the only illumination coming from small lights set at rare intervals. I watched as Eren put a hand to his eyes, wiping away water there.  
"You-you told me to sh-shut up." He shook with pent up tension. 

"Eren, I am unbelievably sorry. I cannot expect you to forgive me." I took one of his hands in my own. "I just hope you will know how truly awful I feel for hurting you. I understand if you want to cut this short. I...I won't hold it against you."

I stood and unlocked the door to exit the fire escape. I left through the door and closed it quietly behind me before returning to the apartment and going into the bathroom. I needed to wash away what I had done. I needed to clean myself of the cruel and vicious person I was today. 

The water was scolding hot, cleansing and melting away all my mistakes. I took up the soap, lathering it all over before scrubbing myself. Scrubbing and scrubbing until my skin was raw and cleaned. I coughed, doubling over in agony as my lungs tried to eject themselves from my body. After the waves if coughing had passed I washed my hands free of bacteria in the water. 

I turned off the water and pulled a towel from the bathroom caddy and dried off my hair before doing the same with my body. 

"Vi?" Eren's soft voice came from through the door. I wrapped the towel around my waist and reached to open the door. 

He was standing there, tear stained cheeks and bright ocean blue eyes wide and innocent. He offered me a small smile and I frowned in confusion. He was meant to be angry with me, hurt and upset. Not...smiling.

"Eren, why-?"  
I was cut off when he pulled me against him in a tight embrace and hugged me tightly to his chest. After a moment I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him back. I loved the feel of him against me and I loved the feelings he gave me. 

"I'm sorry." Eren said quietly into my hair.   
"You have no reason to be sorry." I told him.   
"I cut your day short," He said, pulling away from me gently so he could see my face."that's one day wasted."  
"It wasn't wasted," I told him, reaching a hand up to caress his cheek."No day which I have seen you can be classed as a waste." 

Eren let me go completely and urged me to put some clothes on. His doctor side switching in as he listed why keeping my chest warm was essential. 

"Tomorrow I promise we will do whatever you desire." Eren said to me softly as I laid down in the bed, my eyes heavy. It was only mid afternoon yet my muscles were weak and exhaustion took hold of my mind and body. I nodded to Eren and let sleep take me. 

 

My chest exploded with pain and I was forced upright in the bed with a fit of rattling coughs, my lungs heaving and my chest burning. 

It was dark in the room but I saw Eren's figure beside me in the bed dart upright and switch on the lamp. The bright light wreaked havoc on my aching head and I gagged at the sensations of pain was experiencing. Nothing but clear liquid and bile spilled from my mouth and onto the bedsheets. I groaned loudly, knowing what this meant. Worse. I was getting much, much worse now. 

Eren ran from the room, fetching up a lot of things. He came back in with needles and a ventilator as well as an oxygen tank.   
He set up the ventilator first, putting the mask on me as I swayed dizzily. My fingers were freezing as well as my toes. Eren laid me down, keeping my head elevated, before he gently injected my arm with something. Soon the pain stopped and the world went a little hazy. 

There was blood and vomit on the sheets and Eren collected them up before dumping them into the hamper.   
He came back into the room, new blanket in hand and looked at me worridly as he sat by me on the bed and drapped it over me.   
"Sleep." He urged."I'll be watching over you."   
"You need sleep too." I said, words muffled by the oxygen mask.   
"I'm used to it," He said with a small smile, though I could see his worry through it."I'll be fine." He added after a few seconds of silence.   
There was a sadness in his eyes that wasn't there before and it told me the opposite of what he just said. It told me that he would most definately not be fine. I took his hand in mine and my eyes drifted closed. I didn't want to sleep;  
I wanted to spend every possible moment with him, watching, smiling, laughing, caring. But the darkness prevailed, pulling me in and under. No pain, no worries, no anxiety...perfect.

I slowly opened eyes, it was afternoon now. I could tell by the way the sun stone through the window behind me, dulled by the drawn curtains. I felt that I had still had the mask on my face and that brought in a whole new train of thought. I turned off the oxygen and ppulled the mask off. 

I would have to go back soon. It hadn't even been a month and soon would be back in that prison cell that Eren helped me escape from. I sighed and my eyes found the tattoo on my arm. Eren was my freedom. 

I looked around the room and didn't find him. With a grimace of pain I got up, throwing the sheets back and getting to my feet. I walked slowly to the lounge, my muscles weak and strained.

Eren was there on the couch, elbows on his knees and his hands covering his face. He looked out of sorts and so...not Eren in that pose.   
"Shithead," I called, coming over to him."what's wrong?" He looked at me and took my hand with a small smile.   
"Its nothing." He dismissed.   
"Liar." I said, leaning closer."Tell me."   
He shook his head and turned his gaze downwards. I crouched infront of him and lookedup to meet his eyes.   
"Say something, Eren." I pleaded after what felt like a forever sitting in silence.   
He sighed heavily and leaned back into the couch cushions. "I was reading your list."   
"Why would that make you upset?" I questioned.  
"Because of how many you crossed out that we haven't done." He answered, giving me a pointed look. 

I thought back to all the times I crossed them out and realised there was a lot. No wonder why I didn't have many left.   
"They didn't mean anything and I changed my mind about them." I told him, lightly tracing my fingers over his.   
"Or you thought you wouldn't be able to do it. Like climbing a mountain," Eren said sounding a little angry."But why cross out things like get married or fall in love?"   
"Because, I've already told you...no body likes a sick person, Eren." I said quietly."I'm going to be gone soon and I don't want to go and get married or fall in love in a big rush because then I'll just hurt more people than necessary. Besides what sort of person would be okay with watching their newly found partner dying?"

Eren jaw clenched but he said nothing. He reached beside him and pulled out my notebook.   
"We are doing these two tonight." His pointed to'watch the sunset from a high point' and 'camp out under the stars.' The first one had been crossed out because I hadn't thought I'd be able to reach a high point .  
"Eren, I can't get up high." I pointed out sadly.   
"I can get you to a point where you will be able to breathe fine." He said standing up."trust me." 

Half an hour later Eren had packed our suitcases into the boot of his car and the medical supplies box was by my feet in the front seat.  
"Why can't we put it in the back?" I grumbled as it knocked it my shins.   
"Because that is going to be our bed tonight." Eren smiled, starting the car."Vi, if you don't feel right tell me, okay? I can give you something to help."  
"Okay."   
We were off. Eren drove us for almost two hours through mountain roads, passing farms and rivers and paddocks of wild flowers. It was so beautiful and perfect that I never wanted to leave the moment. Soon enough Eren was pulling off the road and onto a small Forrest trail. I wondered where we were going and Eren placed a hand on my thigh, calming me. 

We drove until there was a clearing and we were suddenly on a rock platform or a slate of rock that was very big and overlooked the country side we had just driven through. The sun was getting lower in the sky, not quite setting yet but it would be soon. Eren had turned the speakers in his car on and was currently playing fall out boy. 

"Eren this is beautiful." I said, taking a seat in the edge of the rocky outcrop, legs hanging over the edge.   
"Not as beautiful as you." Eren countered with a smirk.   
"Cheesy and unappealing." I replied with a grin as Eren sat beside me. 

"Vi...." Eren said slowly, picking up my hand and looking me in the eyes."what exactly are we?"  
"I don't know about you but I'm human." I shrugged.   
"I mean us. What is this?" He asked shyly.  
"Uh, I don't really know either."   
"I really like you, Levi." Eren's words were sweet and filled with emotion but every one chipped at my heart.   
"Eren, you shouldn't-"  
"I don't care." He said firmly." I have never met anyone like you, it just so happens that you are sick. But I believe you will be okay." I didn't believe it. I knew I wouldn't make it.   
"I really like you too, Eren." I said to him, pulling his hands into my own."But we haven't got much time. Soon it will just be pain and memories."

"Then be my boyfriend." He blurted out."be mine until I have to let you go. I know it is selfish but it's the one thing I want most in the world."   
"You want to have me?" I asked incredulously.  
"And for me to be yours in return. Will you be with me?" He finished. I sighed and looked out at the skyline. 

The sun was setting in beautiful colours; tinged of pink,orange and purple staining the clouds and the land far beneath them. This was the end of a day. It was stunning and gorgeous, not filled with sadness and dark colours like the end of a life. People inherently make death a bad thing...why can't we just see it as a sun set of life and cherish and celebrate the day while we had it, thanking the sun for rising to begin with. If we had someone to share it with, no matter how short the day may be, it would be all the more beautiful.   
"Alright, Eren. I'm yours until I'm no longer here" I whispered as I rested me head in his shoulder and he kissed my temple.


	17. Chapter 17

"The first time I realized that I cared for you more than I probably should have was when you were staring out the window when it was raining." Eren said with a fond smile, looking out at the horizon.   
"Really?" I was playing with Eren's fingers as he spoke. The sun had almost totally disappeared now, only a slight purplish light remained.   
"Yeah, you looked so lost and sad. I wanted to do everything I could to help you but there was nothing." Eren frowned at the memory."So I just came in and kept you company while you ate."   
"You were the only reason I woke up everyday." I admitted with a small laugh."You were the only person in the world that treated me as a person. Actually, you still are."

Eren pulled me onto his lap so I was looking at him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me close and meeting my eyes.   
"Can I ask you something?" He asked timidly.  
"Sure." I answered, running a thumb over his soft lips.   
His lips moved against pad of my thumb as he asked "Why don't you ever contact your parents?"   
"Because they don't want to be contacted" I said to him, placing a small kiss to his cheek."They made that very clear when they sent me here by myself and told me it was god's punishment and that I had to just accept it."   
"God's punishment for what?" Eren frowned in confusion.   
"Because I am a man who lies with other men." I recited. The exact thing my mother had said to me."They never wanted a kid to begin with, then when I was little and already knew that I didn't like girls they just treated me like I was scum."   
"Levi...just think..." Eren held his hands up high and spoke wistfully."If all the gay and straight people who party and have fun with their lives are going to hell then there is going to be a lot of priceless stories and fun for all eternity."  
"That's going to be one hell of a party." I joked. Eren laughed and looked at me with a fond smile. He looked at my lips, gently biting his own before looking back to my eyes.   
"Go for it." I encouraged him, using the same words as he did that night of our first kiss. 

He cupped my face, gently pulling me down to his lips. I kissed him sweetly, arms wrapping around his neck and fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

Eren's hands caressed and traced along my sides, up my back, along my legs and over my behind. He was taking in every part of me before i was no longer there. I let my hands roam, feeling his tight grip around me, his strong shoulders, smooth chest and warm neck. I reached my hands to cup his cheeks now, kissing him with everything had. I wanted to show him how much he meant to me. He made a small noise against my lips and reluctantly pulled away. 

"Levi, if you keep kissing me like that I'm not going to last long enough to go any further." He told me with a breathless chuckle, pulling me closer against him.   
"We don't have to go any further." I said in return, leaning to kiss him again. He kissed me once with chaste before pulling away again.   
"I want to." He said, eyes conveying meaning much larger than his words. His hands ran down my back lightly then back up, so gently and lovingly.   
"Are you sure?" I asked him seriously.   
He nodded with no sign of hesitation."well..." I drawled, biting my lip."How do you want it?"   
"I-I don't know." He admitted with a shy smile, cheeks flushing in a way that made me want him so badly. I decided that would not take from him, not here, not now. He deserved somewhere more special for that. 

"Are you okay with topping?" I asked Eren as he pressed a kiss to the underside of my jaw.   
"I am if you are." He replied lowly, pulling my hips downwards onto his and licking a stripe up my kneck. I shivered and rolled my hips into his with a small whimper. His firm hands and hot tongue were already greatly effecting me. 

I felt Eren growing hard against me with the friction. He groaned against my throat when I grinded down onto his lap with more force.

"I'm yours." I said in a whisper before his lips came to devour mine. He kissed me in a way I had never been kissed before. 

His passion was burning hot, mixed with raw emotion and lust. The perfect mix in a perfect boy. I was breathless and writhing against him when he bit down on my lip. I groaned and he flipped us so I was laying beneath him, my legs wrapped around his hips. 

"Mine," Eren whispered hotly into my ear. He kissed me deeply, tongue against my own as he rolled his hips into mine, making me mewl in pleasure while my pants constricted painfully. 

Eren pulled my shirt off, ripping it in his haste and I didn't give a single care. I removed his shirt too and then all of a sudden my pants were gone, leaving me only in my boxers and Eren still half dressed. He quickly rid himself of the rest of his clothing before he reached into the basket and pulled out a tube of clear liquid.   
"H-how do I go about this?" He asked with his cheeks flushed brightly.  
"You have to prep me." I told him, wrapping my arms around his back, licking and nipping at his exposed neck and chest. With Eren's size there was no way he would fit without stretching."Just like I did to you...with my fingers."

He nodded and stripped me of my pants, taking hold of my erection and giving a few smooth strokes, making me whine. I felt a slick finger at my entrance and I shuddered. It had been so long since anyone touched me there. I knew how I came undone and I wouldn't show that side of me to anyone except Eren ever again. I was happy with that. 

Eren kissed me hungrily as he pushed a finger in, I gasped against his lips and he took advantage of that, slipping his tongue in and making my head swim. He worked his way up to a second finger then the third and last. I was already a mess, sweating and panting. 

I wrapped my hands into Eren's hair and he brushed against my prostate, causing me to arch my back and pull hard on his hair with a whine of his name.  
"Fuck, Levi." He growled. "you are so sexy like this."   
"Eren, please, I need you now." I tried to tug him closer but he refused to budge.   
"Patience." He whispered, sucking hard on my neck while his free hand tweaked my nipple.   
"Ahh, Eren," I cried out."please!"  
He pressed his already slick member to my now stretched hole and applied a little pressure.   
"G-go slow at first." I panted, gripping onto his arms. The last person who I had done this with was not gentle.   
"Of course," Eren said, eyes dark with lust."The last thing I want is to hurt you." 

He slowly pushed in, continuing inch by inch ever so slowly until he as buried hilt deep. The burn from the stretch was painful but bearable. He let out a low moan from above me which only made me even more turned on. 

After a few moments I nodded at him, letting him know it was okay. Slowly he began to move, no sooner than he had almost completly pulled out, he slid straight back in and hit my prostate. I cried out, toes curling and eyes rolling back. I heard it echo through the Forrest behind us.   
"You're so loud," Eren commented, voice husky with arousal, picking up his pace. "How about you say something meaningful. Try...Eren." 

He lifted one of my legs higher and drove in deeper causing both of us to moan loudly. Eren was well and truly fucking me, stretching me while I needily took him in. Skin on skin, harsh panting and sounds of pure pleasure filled the air around us. 

"E-Eren...I'm- ahh. So... close." I gasped out, a heated coil tightening unbearably in my abdomen.  
"Cum for me, Vi." Eren whispered sexily into my ear, air brushing over my sensitive skin. At those words no was pushed over the edge, walls clenching as an intense wave of pleasure shot through me and a broken moan escaped my parted lips. 

Eren followed seconds later, clutching me tightly in his arms as he rode it out, moaning my name in a way that I loved to hear. I brushed his sweat slicked hair from his forehead and kissed him sweetly. 

"Vi?" Eren asked as we lay entwined with one another in the backseat of his car, blankets piled up on us.   
"Mhm?"   
"I really like you." He said with a smile.  
"I really like you too." I responded, kissing him softly.   
"Goodnight, Vi."   
"Goodnight, Brat."   
We fell asleep, interwoven with one another, our love burning brighter than the stars overhead. Everything was perfect. The feeling of Eren's warmth against me, the view of the stars, the moonlight illuminating the surrounds. For the first time ever...I was scared to die. It would mean leaving him. I didn't want to go. 

"Levi!" Eren's shout startled me out of sleep. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with horror, I noticed he was sitting over me, hands on my chest.   
"W-what?" I realised how badly my chest was aching and I drew in a shaking breath."what's w-wrong?"   
"Y-you stopped breathing." Eren slumped, putting a hand to his forehead. 

"I what?" I tried to sit up. I hissed and clutched my chest as a spasm of coughing came over me. Eren helped me up and jumped into the front seat pulling, an inhaler from the container.   
When I gasped for air Eren forced it between my lips, pumping it a few times. As I fought for breath it became a little easier and I was able to settle down the coughing. 

Once it was over Eren sat staring, panting. He swallowed hard and then slowly his eyes welled with tears.   
"Eren..." I sighed, reaching out for him. He shook his head, trying to hold back the tears.   
"You wouldn't be this bad so suddenly." He whispered, sliding into the drivers seat."You hid it from me didn't you? Didn't you!?   
When I didn't respond he punched the steering wheel.   
"Put your belt on." He sounded angry.   
"Where are we going?" I asked, sliding into the front seat slowly, trying to move as little as possible.   
"We have to go back." Eren said sadly."I can't do this."  
"Eren, what-" I closed my mouth. He had done this much for me and I couldn't ask for anything more. "Okay." I agreed, putting on my seatbelt.

"Levi, you almost died." He said, gripping the wheel tightly."If I hadn't have been awake I wouldn't have noticed. I don't have the right equipment here."   
"I get it." I looked out of the window."it's okay." 

The drive back was long and grueling. It weighed on me heavily. The pain in my chest was bearable compared to the silence between Eren and I. I felt worse than I had ever felt before...  
"Eren?" I whispered, looking down at my hands. He didn't even glance over. I knew that this was just his way of dealing with his stress."I'm scared." I told him very quietly. I wasn't even sure he had heard until he gently sighed and took one of my hands in his own, raising it to his lips and pressing a butterfly kiss to my knuckles.   
"It'll be alright." He assured me gently.

For hours we drove, from morning to night and eventually at almost midnight we arrived at the hospital. 

I tried to get out of the car but after a few steps my legs buckled and I fell to the floor gasping for breath. I struggled to get back up and fell straight onto my stomach, knocking the last of my air from my failing lungs.   
"Levi!" Eren yelled, coming over to pick me up. He took me in his arms and I clung onto him. Eren ran with me into the emergency wing, shouting for assistance. 

The world went quiet but I could still see everything. Could see Eren yelling, tearing open my shirt and pressing his hands over my lungs again and again. Nurses rushed around and soon enough I gasped in a mouthful of air. It hurt more than anything I had ever experienced and I groaned in agony, tears making their way from my eyes.  
"They are just going to put you to sleep for a little bit alright?' Eren said to me hurriedly as they transferred me onto a stretcher. "I'll see you when you wake up. I promise." 

No, Eren. I'm scared, don't leave me.   
I tried to reach out for him but my arms wouldn't cooperate. I tried to call for him, terrified of being alone, but I could only manage a weak gargle. He stood there, watching me get wheeled away. I felt a prick in my arm and soon my vision was going dark at the edges, my eyes slipped closed and my thoughts no longer made sense. Sleep for a little while. That's all. 

I was back in the prison. The prince who stole me away was the one who brought me back. Trapped: By this disease... By this body... By this place. There was no escape. Not now. Not ever.


	18. Chapter 18

The constant beeping my own heart monitor echoed throughout the room. The normal clothes were gone and the scrubs and gowns were back. The Smell of bleach and hand sanitizer replaced that of the trees, parks and clubs I had recently been to. The happiness that I had was gone along with it all. 

It hadn't been real. I half expected it to go away like a common cold or flu but the now constant aches along with the cannula providing me with sufficient oxygen sealed the deal. It was real and inevitable. I was going somewhere soon. That much I knew. 

I watched the window, raindrops dribbling down the glass drearily, much as it had that faithful day two months ago. As I recalled all the things I had seen and done within that short time a tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cold cheek. 

I hadn't cherished it enough. I hadn't thought that it may be my last chance to feel grass, ride a bike, walk for myself or to eat at a restaurant. I would never do it again. 

There was a quiet knock on my door and Eren stepped into the room. He had come to visit me everyday for the past few weeks I had been in this room. He brought my vanilla chai lattes (not that I could drink them anymore due to my stomach not keeping anything down) and told me stories of people in the hospital. He would read me poetry and smile all the time. He would tell me I was beautiful, even though one look at my weary body and hollowed cheeks told me I was not. He gave me energy but I knew I was draining on him. Slowly taking his happiness away the sicker I got. 

I had been thinking a lot lately, perhaps too much. I came to the decision that Eren was better saying goodbye now than later. 

"Hey, Vi." He said, coming into my room "How are things?" I barely spoke anymore aside from when Eren seemed down. There was nothing I really had to say. Not until now anyways.

Suddenly a quote from Romeo and Juliet flitted into my brain unannounced.   
'Eyes, look your last...'   
Here was my green eyed beauty. His hair tousled, clothes slightly too big and his bright smile was never wavering. The light he carried with him was beginning to dull the sicker I got. I would stop dimming his light as of now. 

'Arms, take your last embrace...'   
He leaned over to hug me tightly as he did every day. He still smelled sweet and like Eren. His warmth was so familiar to me from all the nights spent sleeping by eachothers side. Never again would I sleep next to him.

'And, lips, oh you the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss a dateless bargain to engrossing death...'  
He pressed his lips to mine and I let myself melt into the feel of his soft lips, so warm and comforting. I would never kiss him again. I nearly lost my resolve right then but I pulled away gently. 

"Eren..." I took a deep breath and tried to sit up with a grunt. He clenched his jaw because I had told him not to help me with simple things unless I asked but he always wanted to anyway. That's Eren for you, heart of gold and I was about to shatter it .  
"Eren, I want you to leave."  
"Huh? Why?" Eren was still smiling, though it faltered a little.   
"Because I don't want you near me anymore." My heart was aching from the words I was saying."I want- i want a new nurse."   
"What?" He moved to the chair beside the bed and sat down. "Vi, what are you talking about?"   
"You heard me," I said, balling my hands into fists. Fuck I was an asshole.   
"Why?" He asked again.  
"I can't do it anymore, Eren. I can't watch your smile get faker each passing day. I won't let you watch while I...I can't let you watch me die."  
Eren shook his head slowly at the word 'die'.   
"Aren't you scared of it at all? You say it like it's normal." He breathed in shock.   
"I am terrified of it, Eren." I said with a lump in my throat."But I have to accept the fact that I am dying."   
"I don't want to go." He said stubbornly.   
"I want you to." His face went blank, eyes filling with hurt.   
"You want me to go?"   
I nodded and spoke gently. "Eren, I don't want you to call or check up on me anymore either" I sighed shakily. "It'll be easier that way."  
He bit his lip and got up from the chair, eyes welling with tears. He walked quickly to the door but stopped halfway out, looking back at me.   
"You have nothing else to say to me?"   
I stare, stunned for a moment. 

Say it.

"I-" I paused and thought about all he had done for me."thankyou, Eren. For everything." 

"Nothing else?" Here was an undertone in his voice that was begging me to say it. Begging me to say those three words that would give him the motivation to keep trying.

Just say it

"Nothing else at all?" He pressed desperately, those oceanic eyes pleading and praying.

I wanted so badly to say it. To fix it all. But there was no fixing it. So instead, I just met his pleading eyes and shook my head slightly. He swallowed hard, holding my eyes and nodding once. 

Say it! This is your last chance. You are about to lose him. It's three words. Say it. 

My mouth wouldn't open. I wouldn't let it. Then came the last words that Eren Jaeger would say to me as I laid in this hospital bed. He spoke softly, eyes not meeting mine as his voice cracked, my heart along with it.   
"Goodbye, Levi."   
He slipped outside and closed the door behind him, something about the noise of the door clicking shut set a sort of finality over the situation. I fisted my hands pathetically in the sheets and let the tears fall. 

"I love you," I said to the empty space Eren had just been in.  
I was alone.   
Totally and completely... alone.   
At least now, no one would miss me. I laid back down, an empty feeling plaguing my chest. 

I closed my eyes and every single moment I had spent with Eren flashed through my mind. My heart shattered painfully as I took in the fact that it was over. I had forced Eren to leave. I caught a glimpse of the tattoo on my arm. The wings of freedom. Eren was my freedom. I pushed him away and my chance at any sort of freedom along with it. I had clipped my own wings. 

Now it was time for me to fall. 

I closed my eyes once more, embracing the pain that ate at me from the inside out. The pain was all I had now. It was something constant and always there no matter what happened. It something stable that I could rely on. The darkness came, washing over me in a warm sheet of comfort and promise of a new kind of freedom. Death was an odd feeling...sort of like sleep except much, much more powerful with an odd sort of quiet. Even in those last few seconds, my mind was on him.


	19. Chapter 19

Eren's POV 

As soon as that door was closed I ran down the corridor and to my station. I threw down my lanyard that held my ID, threw off my scurbs and turned to Dr. Ackerman.   
"I quit." I told her, trying to.control my wildly shaking voice."I can't do this anymore!"   
"I'll allow you come back to your position if you want to take leave." Said the woman with black hair and a red scarf tied around her neck. Mikasa had always had a soft spot for me.  
I nodded and ran from the bay. 

I bolted down the corridor, right as an alarm for immediate assistance, vital signs dropped, went off on the floor and a bunch of doctor's rushed past. My doctor side told me to go and check it out but I couldn't. I needed to get out. I jumped the railing on the stairs and ran out of the hospital. 

Everyday for months I had come to work, looking forward to seeing Levi Ackerman. I had been assigned to him as soon as he was flown in at seven o'clock that first night. 

I had knocked on the door, on that first night. No greeting had come from inside so pushed it open anyways. There was a small framed boy, pale skinned and raven haired, standing by the window looking at the night sky.   
"Hello Levi, my name is Eren Jaeger." I spoke with a smile and the boy turned his gaze on me.   
His eyes were troubled and a steely grey that unnerved me. Something flashed in them and he turned back to the window.   
"I'll b-be your nurse if you'll h-have me." I said, trying to control my sudden nervousness.   
"Relax, brat." He said, cracking the slightest of smiles. "I don't bite."   
From that moment on i had been endlessly fascinated by that sick boy. 

I stumbled on the stairs and snapped back to reality. 'nobody likes a sick person, Eren.' levi had said. But he was wrong, I did. 

I got to my car and stopped in my tracks. How could I use this car when all I thought of when I got in it was Levi? 

I thought of the start. The way he had turned up his music and sang along without a care in the world, touching me and laughing when I joined in.   
I remembered the way his eyes lit up when he took the wheel, his sighs when the engine started, his smile when I held on for dear life before I realised he would never let anything happen to me.   
Then I thought of the end.   
How we had spent the night asleep and wrapped up in eachothers warmth. Then his beautiful face soft in sleep when I had woken up early and observed him quietly. Then the fear that had gripped me as he drew in a breath but didn't exhale. I had climbed onto him, shaking him, trying to wake him up. When he didn't move a panic set in and I freaked. I pushed on his ribcage, CPR put into use, begging him to wake up, crying out his name desperately until he woke with a loud gasp. 

Never again would I sleep by his side. Never again would he ride with me in this car. Never again would I hear his voice or see his face. I would give him what he wanted no matter how much it hurt. 

I forgot about the car and ran. I ran until I was home at my apartment. I went up the stairwell, ignoring the ghost of s memory from when levi had been in a stairwell with me and hurried to my door.

I burst open the door and slammed it closed behind me before falling against it and letting myself sob.   
I knew it would come to this. I had known all along that he would push me away sometime.

I went to my bedroom, getting into the bed and pulling my blankets over me. It was cold. Levi had been my warmth and now...now he wasn't. 

We had burned so brightly and were snuffed out in an instant. It was like Levi had told me that first night. 'the stars that burn the brightest are the same ones which have the shortest lifespan. You must observe them and record them before it's too late.'

Perhaps that was why Levi shone out so brightly to me. He was to be loved and cherished while he was still here.

With a sniffle I sat up and looked over at his blacknote book which he had given to me to keep. 

I flipped open the book and began to go through each page. I had already seen almost everything in there, poems to drawings to his thoughts when he was upset.

A small piece of paper which had been tucked into the middle of the book fell onto the floor. I picked it up and unfolded it with a slight frown. It was crossed out but underneath I could still read what was first written there. 

It read:  
Love  
\- Ask him out. Take him to a nice place, he deserves class.   
\- Show him how special and important he is.   
\- Experience love in all sense of the word: both physically and emotionally.

My eyes welled up and I couldn't finish reading. He had wanted to experience love. I hoped to god that he had fulfilled that wish.   
Until all the stars burned out...I would love him. I just hoped that he knew that.


	20. Chapter 20!

Erens POV: 6 months later. 

The sun shone through my curtains and squeezed my eyes tighter shut. No, not yet. I wanted to sleep some more. I rolled over and looked at the empty space beside me. I sighed against the painful thump of my barely healing heart and got up. 

A few months ago I had called the hospital. I asked if there was any patient in room 104, levi's room. They had said no. It felt like a boot to the stomach and I had hung up immediately. He wasn't...he couldn't be...

I couldn't belive it at first but then slowly I began to accept it. I cried and cried and cried for my lost boy and everything still reminded me of him.

After a long while the tattoo on my side stopped being a sore memory and changed into one that I could almost smile over. Almost. Then there was the music that came up on shuffle sometimes, the coffee shop, the car. The worst one was the bed. 

Sleeping next to levi had left its bittersweet mark on me and each morning I had to relive the same heart crushing disappointment at the empty space. 

But not seeing him messed with my head...It was like I couldn't believe he was gone because I hadnt seen it happen. 

I tried everything to numb the overbearing pain of it all. Alcohol and other things as well as medication, daily exercise and even a one night stand. 

I had the boy come to a club and we went back to his place. The whole time I thought about how wrong it felt to have him kiss me or touch me. I wasn't made for his hands. We got no further than taking my shirt off when he asked about my tattoo. I immediately broke down and ran home, not even stopping to put my shirt on. 

I went to my closet and got dressed for work, at the coffee shop temporarily, then headed out. I walked there, shoes kicking pebbles on the ground as I went. 

The bell above the door tinkled obnoxiously when I entered and I noted that today there wasn't many customers. I went behind the counter and started filling orders. 

Black with no sugar for 'zoe '  
White hot chocolate for 'freckled Jesus'  
Vanila chai latte for 'Rivaille'

I frowned at the vanilla chai latte....I had taken so many of these to Levi. it was his drink.   
I handed it over to the counter and they came to pick them up, I didn't look at any of them.   
"Thanks, cutie." One of them said. A deep voice that made my heart skip a beat. Fuck. I just nodded, the voice was too close to Levi's. It hurt my heart to hear this stranger's voice. 

After work I headed home with a heavy heart. I would never get over him I thought as I walked to my apartment. The door was unlocked. I switched on my speaker and it played some sleeping at last. I sat down onto the couch and buried my face in a cushion. I was alone. But the only person I want is the one person I can never have .

That night in the car had been so perfect. We were eachothers to hold and love and cherish yet it was gone too soon. Now I was left to pick up all the pieces of my heart. But still...I never regretted it. Not one second of it. 

I got up and went to the kitchen...I was exhausted and emotional and i just wanted to eat and sleep. That was all I could ever seem to do anymore. I pulled out a box of doughnuts, behind them was a gloriously decorated cheesecake.   
I dropped the doughnuts and fell back onto the counter. What the hell? That wasn't there before. I sat down slowly, remembering the time we had made a cheesecake together. My eyes welled up and tears spilled over.

Some days it was easier to go through the day...but today the full weight of what was lost had come crashing down on me all over again. 

I couldn't be here, not in this house, not today. I got up, wiping my eyes and kicking the fridge door closed before running out the front door. I didn't stop to get keys or my wallet, I just needed to get away from it all. 

After a few minutes of my sneakers slapping the sidewalk I reached a park. It was colder this time of year and most of the leaves were no longer on the branches, a light dusting of frost blanketing the ground. 

I sat on a cold wooden bench and lowered my head helplessly into my hands. I just wished I had stayed with him even when he'd told me to leave...I wished that I had told him I loved him, let him know how much he meant to me before he was gone. 

It was too late now. He was gone. I'd never see my little Levi again. 

There was a thump on the seat beside me and suddenly a panting human was next to me.  
"Jesus Christ, brat!" The voice huffed out."Don't fucking run off like that, I'm no where near as fast as you."

I wheeled around quickly and saw a boy. His ivory skin in sharp contrast with his black ensemble of clothing and the sleek darkness of his hair. He met my eyes and those steely blue orbs held me captive, a light dusting of pink over his cheekbones. 

That body...the one I had explored inside and out. We had been connected in more ways than just one. I remember the feel of that body under my hands, mouth, against my own. No....He was gone. 

I shot up from the chair and stumbled back a few steps away from the Levi look alike. 

The last time I had seen him was when he couldn't even get out of bed without a wheelchair and an oxygen tank. 

"I suppose this wasn't the best way to tell you was it?" The boy laughed a little, the same laugh I had heard on rare occasions from Levi. I was speechless and sure I was going insane. The beautiful boy came closer to me, gently easing forward as if he was trying not to frighten me. His scent came with him...the exact same as it had been so long ago. I just stared at the boy in horror. 

He smiled a sad smile and ran his thumb over my cheekbone. I didn't pull away. Even if this was a mirage of some sort, it was fixing my heavy heart and I didn't want to let it go. 

"Eren, it's me." He took me by the hands and looked up into my wide eyes. "Eren, say something." He whispered. 

A million questions flew around in my head, a thousand more in my eyes and yet none of then came out of my mouth.   
"A very nice fellow decided he didn't want to live anymore," Levi said softly."It just so happened that on that day, neither did my body. So...an emergency transplant was performed."  
My heart began racing, it actually made sense. Maybe he was real. "When?" I questioned.   
"Right after I sent you away that day," He said, looking over me as though he wanted to memorise every single detail of my face."I have been in rehabilitation since. I got released yesterday and came to find you"

I reached up to cup his soft face. The boy closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. He was real, warm and here and alive."that's the cheesecake in my fridge then?"  
"Yeah," chuckled."I thought it was a good idea. I didn't think you'd run screaming."  
"I needed to get away. Too many reminders." I told him, listening to his even breathing. I felt his heartbeat in his neck and it was string and steady. "You're alive." I whispered, voice trembling and tears spilling over. 

Levi smiled and nodded.   
"I'm alive," he confirmed, pulling me into a tight hug and soothing me with rhythmic strokes along my back.  
"You told me from the start that I would be okay, and look at me now."

I stood there for a few long mcomments staring at him, not able to speak. All that came out were the words I had wanted to say for so long, the words I never thought I would be able to say. 

"I-I love you." I whispered to this ghost of a boy.   
Now his eyes welled with tears, though none spilled over.   
"I love you too."   
He hugged me tightly to him and I hugged back. We stayed like that for what could have been hours before I pulled away. It felt like if I were to let go then he'd disappear. I didn't care if I was insane, so long as he stayed with me. 

"I can't believe it," I whispered against his neck."you are really here." 

"Well, I had to come back." Levi said quietly, pulling back and looking into my eyes."I wrote a new list when I was recovering and I have one more thing to complete."

Levi stepped back, pulling a screwed up piece of paper out of his pocket and handing it to me. I folded it out and smoothed it down a little before seeing the lines of crossed off wishes. One right down the bottom said:  
Propose to Eren: I want to be by his side for as long as I live. I want to be his freedom the way he was mine. 

My heart was pounding out of my chest when I looked up and saw Levi on one knee, box open in his palms, a gold band in the box.   
"Eren...you are by far the best thing I have come across on this earth, and I cannot think of any better reason to live than to see your smile every morning when I wake up." He said with a fond smile and unabashed affection in his eyes." Eren Jaeger, would you do me the greatest honor one can have, and marry me?" He asked with the most nervous smile I had ever seen. 

"Levi...what is HAPPENING?!" I shouted down at him before huffing out a breath."Of fucking course I will marry you."  
Levi shot up from his position on the ground and pulled me in for a kiss. His lips were exactly how they had been all those months ago. I kissed him with all the emotion I had harboured over the time we were apart. I smiled against his mouth.  
"You're still short," I told him with laugh.   
"You're still a brat."He flicked me on the cheek.   
We had a lifetime of happiness to find and it started now. I had never wanted anything more than I wanted this. He was back and he was mine. Forever and always. Our wings were together once again and we found freedom. We fought for this and we had prevailed. 

If you don't fight, you can't win.  
"You won, Levi," I breathed out, happiness pouring through me.   
"We won, brat." Levi told me with a crooked smile."We fucking did it."

End   
=================================  
Hello lovelies, that's it for this story.   
I was going to make it so Levi actually did die but then I decided I would like a happy ending where these two cuties got together instead.   
:) <3   
Hope you enjoyed, remember feedback is always welcome.


End file.
